Are You a Chump? Unfortunately, I Am But I’m Working on it

So most of you know how I feel about liars and cheaters. I’m one of those people who would rather sit next to an ax murderer who admitted to their crime, than spend any time with a liar or cheater (which they are oddly one in the same). At least the ax murderer is honest.

Just like the white supremacist who proudly tells me to my face that he hates me because of my color and race, I’m more accepting of that person, than the closet racist who smiles in my face, shakes my hand, but in the dark he can’t stand me and let’s his compadres know how disgusted he was having to engage with me—but yet he never says a word to me.

Hypocrite. Liar. Fraud. Coward.

That’s just how I feel. Be honest. The truth will always set you free. It may not feel good but at least you will be free and authentic.

I shared some time ago some hilarious, yet serious posts from the Chump Lady blog that I ran across. Being that I’ve been cheated on more times than I would care to admit, I had to admit that I’m what Chump Lady calls a “chump”.

Cheaters see, smell, and hear me years in advance of meeting me. That’s how it feels. They just sit back and wait to pounce. They want to see if they can actively pursue, capture, break, tame, and train me to be their chump. They want to see if they can break my rebel spirit and make me surrender to being ignorantly loyal to them while they betray me repeatedly with anything and everything that has a pulse.

What’s sad is, as a chump, I never learned the lesson to never ever ever tell your status as a chump and how you were chumped. All that does it give the cheater intel into how to break you down and make you their doormat. Every person who cheated on me used some of the same sociopathic moves of the cheater before them, how? Because I, the chump, shared the painful memories with them, and they said to themselves, “oh okay perfect, I will just do the exact same thing and maybe put a slight twist on it so that I can get the desired outcome“. So they do and I get hog-tied to a narcissistic-jerk-cheater, and then I fight to break the bond and run far, far away and never look back.

So it is refreshing to find a website that helps chumps reclaim their lives, address their chump issues, and work to no longer be chumps. This website helps you get through your stages of grief and healing because it’s filled with people who have walked in your shoes, and trust me, your story is not uniquely yours, you will be surprised how many people have gone through the same or similar experience and been told the same rotten garbage lies from their cheater. This site lets you know that you are not alone!

It feels good to hear from Chump Lady, a person who has been-there-done-that and got the chump awards to prove it, share her experiences and how she has gone through the healing stages and continues to work on herself with her new (also a chump) husband of several years. Chump Lady shares raw insights into the chump, cheater, and the other women/men that the cheater has been involved with. She breaks down the lies, truth, humor, as well as the idiotic, selfish, and narcissistic nature of the cheater and the ones they cheated with (who knew about you the entire time or most of it).

She also helps you through the journey after you have been freed from bondage and are trying to start anew with a new person. She wants to make sure that you’re not hypersensitive and quick to label every word and action of your new love as a potential cheat-signal, but that you are mindful and aware of the signs of cheating and symptoms of being a chump.

As a chump you feel stupid for being a chump, but you feel smarter and more empowered for finding this site and learning from Chump Lady and other fellow chumps from around the world.

If you aren’t sure if you’re a chump then visit Chump Lady. If you aren’t sure what to do once you realize that you are a chump (and possibly a habitual chump), then check out Chump Lady.

When you have been lied to, cheated on, and told that it’s just your imagination”, “it’s all in your head”, “you’re just being insecure and jealous”, “you’re just reaching”, “you’re just trying to sabotage a good thing”, “maybe it’s you that’s cheating and you’re trying to deflect onto me”, “if you spent more time doing XYZ instead of playing investigator, maybe our relationship would be stronger, that it’s your fault, or that “it’s not what you think“, their lover “always speaks highly of you, how could you say those awful things about them“, that their lover is “just a friend“, “I’m not cheating“, “this isn’t adultery“, “why are you snooping?”, “if you go digging, you will find something“, and other narcissistic ‘lines of crap’—all of which I have heard plenty of times, then you need to spend some quality time with Chump Lady, she will get you straight and on your way to a joy-filled, cheater-free life. I wish this site was around years ago, it would have saved me a lot of time, grief, painful lessons, yo-yo dieting, and a great deal more.

I share this with all of the chumps in the world. Those who know and those who aren’t sure. Chump Lady is free, raw, and uncensored group counseling for new, old, and recovering chumps. I hope it helps you in some way.

Signed,

A Chump

Copyright 2014. Natasha Foreman Bryant. Paradigm Life. All Rights Reserved

12 thoughts on “Are You a Chump? Unfortunately, I Am But I’m Working on it

  1. She’s great for those who dumped the cheater, she’s horrible to people who stayed though. Really horrible. We aren’t all idiots for doing so. And until she gets that I won’t be reading her again.

    • Hi Nephila,

      Thanks for reading this post and sharing your comments. If you recall, at the top of ChumpLady’s site she has what can be called a disclaimer. It basically says that her site is not for those seeking reconciliation, as she isn’t promoting it.

      She does however offer sound advice for those who want to take the chump-risk again with their cheater.

      Yes, she can get in your tail real good for going back to (staying with) your cheater, because, what was the point of coming to her site and sharing your story if all you’re going to do is allow the same person who crushed your heart, do it again and again?

      Basically, it’s as though chumps come to her site to see how they can change themselves to be “better” and more appealing in the eyes of the cheater, or look for ways to try to get (or manipulate) the cheater to change in some way. At the end of the day, the number of truly and positively reformed cheaters is extremely low, while the number of redefined (and more-narcissistic-than-ever) cheaters is staggering.

      There’s a saying by Erica Jong that says, “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” Sometimes the truth is painful, and hearing how we have been chumped and allowed ourselves to be the chump (sometimes in numerous relationships) is painful because that means we have been fools for love, but never loved ourselves enough to know when we weren’t being loved in return, and when to walk away from that unloving person.

      I could be wrong, but it sounds as though you want ChumpLady to change and conform to your standards, just as we want the cheater to stop cheating on us, when in actuality if we don’t like what we see, hear, and feel, we should just stay away.

      You don’t have to like or accept what ChumpLady is sharing. It’s not a site for everyone. It’s definitely not a site for those seeking reconciliation. It is a site for those who want to be transparent and authentic, who want to rip out those weaknesses that make them a prime target for cheaters, and enhance those strengths that shut cheaters down before they can even get started. Her site is for those who want to change from chumps to recovering chumps, not to remain in chumpville.

      If a person wants to stay with their cheater, then ChumpLady shares her advice on how to start the process, but she’s not going to endorse anyone being a doormat to a cheater, because a cheater is a liar and abuser, and chumps need to go through the processes and healing stages similar to those who were physically abused.

      Being cheated on is emotional and psychological abuse, heck, it can even be considered sexual abuse because you are being punished for your lack of ability to “please” your cheater. So unless your cheater is willing to do everything to positively reform, then he/she is only in the process of setting you up for another round of pain, and why would ChumpLady advocate for that kind of life?

      I don’t know the last time you went to her site. I don’t know your current situation with your cheater. But your angst about ChumpLady sounds more like she hit a nerve that was raw and unprotected. That is something you have to work on yourself for you. You have to own that sensitivity and reason for the exposed nerve. You went to ChumpLady, she didn’t come to you. If you want hand holding and sugar-coating, then ChumpLady isn’t the place to go, but she expresses this fact up front.

      Let me just add something else for you to consider. We’re only an “idiot” if we intentionally subject ourselves to continual abuse when we have the power to end it. I wish I had had someone to open my eyes and peel back my layers and expose me as a chump for recommitting myself over and over and over again to cheaters.

      I wish you well and I hope that if you did stay with your cheater, that they have truly reformed in a positive way, and that they are placing you as a number one priority after God. I pray that they are transparent and fully invested in your relationship. I pray that they love you each day like it is their last. I pray for your peace within. Have an amazing day, week, and year!

      • Wow, defensive much? I don’t see being cheated on as a weakness. I didn’t cause it and I’m not taking responsibility for it. Some people do have patterns of relationships where they’re always cheated on. I’m not one and she is too quick to deny we exist. Or that true remorse exists (I agree it is rare). I am not a chump or a fool. I make no apology for judging her for her narrow view in the same way I judge cheaters.

      • Hi Nephila I responded to your comments in a post. I can be long-winded so it’s post 1 of 2. I thought this comment (yours) had been deleted by my app, but thankfully I found it right now. I hope my response actually helps to clear up things, bring us to a common ground, and eliminate any perceived negative vibes. Check it out: http://wp.me/p1w2EB-hd

      • I disagree. I’ve been to the site several times due to links and I have found her downright vilifying of anyone staying. Your commitment to defending her is very strange. While of course some sites will be more supportive of divorce or of reconciliation depending on the authors opinion, most accept that there are merits in the other course. You’d never find a supportive reconciliation site patronise people for divorcing the way she does. I don’t have negative vibes about you, I just think you’re completely blinded and narrow. I don’t read or respond to posts addressed to me. That’s just a personal thing I have.

      • Well like I said, just as you’re entitled to your opinion so is she. I defend that point.

        Anyone seeking reconciliation SHOULD NOT go to her site, and she posts a disclaimer at the top of her site and throughout it.

        I think that anyone expecting her to change needs to look within. That’s like trying to force your beliefs, values, customs, and norms on someone else.

        If you want someone to speak to “you” and “your” needs to reconcile post-affair then her site isn’t the place to go. So why be upset when once again you aren’t getting what you want and expect out of someone?

        Just like a cheater shows their stripes upfront (which is ignored), her site tells you upfront what you’re going to get. So don’t be surprised or appalled.

        Her site isn’t a reconciliation site, it isn’t a support group for people contemplating staying with their cheater, it’s the place to go when enough is enough and you’re ready to move on alone. Or when you want to reflect and say, “ah I did that too” or “wow that happened to me too”.

        But it’s not the place for, “how can I get my cheater to commit to a monogamous relationship with just me?” So why expect the creator of the site to accommodate you and your needs? Why?

        Wow your words are very loaded, but I won’t take it personal, and I won’t even respond to your statement that you don’t read or respond to posts addressed to me. I will just leave that alone.

        Let’s be clear, I’m neither blind nor is my thinking narrow. If it were I wouldn’t keep giving love a chance. I wouldn’t have married after going through more than 15 years of cheaters. I wouldn’t risk my heart if I were blind and narrow. If I were blind and narrow I would’ve stuck it out with the first cheater 20 years ago.

        I just don’t live with rose-colored glasses on and I’m not living my life in survival or desperate mode. I’m not looking for hand-holding, shoulders to cry on, seminars, books and CDs, a bunch of hoopla telling me how to “Affair-Proof” my relationship, how to “fix” myself or “fix” the cheater.

        I’m a realist. I’ve also grown and matured a lot over the past 4 years.

        I’m not trying to convince a cheater why he should be with me, work on our relationship, or remind him of “what we had” all of which is only my viewpoint and not his.

        I’m not trying to convince a cheater why monogamy is the best route. I’m not trying to convince a cheater to honor their commitment to me. I’m not trying to convince a cheater of anything. I’m also not trying to seek revenge on a cheater or the tramps he was with, for what?

        I truly believe that my best revenge is living well. Anyone dumb enough to cheat on me can watch me from afar.

        I don’t need to look over someone’s shoulder, ask to have access to their personal accounts and cell phone to make sure they aren’t cheating again. Forcing them into counseling isn’t my approach either, once again that’s often the route you take when you want to “fix” someone, get them to see they need “fixing”, and then somehow get them to “fix” themselves or get “fixed”.

        I’m not going to invest more time and energy micromanaging them, acting like their mother. While obsessing over them I’m not taking care of me. I’m not living to my potential because I’m too invested in trying to fix someone else.

        Yes, a cheater can repent and refrain from cheating, but like my dad told me many moons ago—it usually takes an act of God.

        If they aren’t putting in the active work without force, coercion, guilt, fear, or manipulation, then they are just actively cheating from a different direction, or plotting something else.

        I’m very forgiving. I’m just not going to willingly let someone piss on me and call it rain.

        Here’s a site you may want to consider if you haven’t already visited it:

        http://infidelityhelpgroup.com

        Here’s a section on post-affair refocus:
        http://www.infidelityhelpgroup.com/2014/01/27/post-affair-refocus/

        This site focuses on building self and not being overly fixated on your cheater and trying to get and keep them reformed. They don’t sugar coat or condone self-defeating strategies normally promoted by other sites, they are both pro-marriage and pro-self.

        Here’s two other sources:

        http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

        http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html ( a Book)

        Maybe one of these will be more of your cup of tea. Have a great day and week. Wish you well in your life and relationship.

      • It’s not expecting someone to look after *my* needs, it’s expecting them to respect that others make a legitimate choice. If I wrote a site supporting reconciliation then a mere disclaimer that “if you’re going to give up and divorce then you don’t belong here” would not suffice. In my very language I would have to demonstrate that there were other reasonable choices out there. That’s what she does not do. And she loses my respect as a result. End of story. I don’t buy the crap about affair proofing or the nonsense you criticise either. I don’t need to change the cheater, he needs to change himself. Time will tell if he really has, it seems so 3 years on. It’s a false dichotomy to say you have to either out down reconcilers or “self defeating” frankly stupid pandering. While I don’t think the perfect should be the enemy of the good and some people feel bad about their divorce and need her kind of support, I don’t think it does more harm than good to people outside that boat. Again, you’re investing hugely in defending her which is curious and isn’t really effective. I remain of the view that she is judgemental against those of us who didn’t divorce and that is wrong, up-herself, and ultimately shows her own insecurity, she can’t bear that some people might get a chance to make a different choice and we are not chumps for doing so. It’s a bit sad for her really.

      • Okay Nephila you miss the point entirely, but I’m a person who’s willing to listen to all viewpoints, even those that differ mine. I defend a person’s right to their opinion, to freedom of speech, and to their personal property. In the US (where I live, since I’m not sure where you live) we do have those rights. That’s what I defend.

        Do I agree 100% with ChumpLady? No. Just like I don’t go gung-ho for 100% of what’s written in the Bible. If so I, and a lot of other folks would’ve been stoned to death a long time ago for some of the things we have done.

        You don’t like what ChumpLady offers. Great. Your best decision is to stay off her site. You say she judges you and others for staying married after being cheated on. You judge her for that. You judge her for ending two marriages that tore at her soul, and one that has deeply damaged her son. You judge her for leaving after reconciling more than once with both jerks. You judge her for moving on with her life and marrying a man who could empathize with her because he was brutally mistreated by his cheating ex-wife. You want her to hear about and read similar stories and then give the advice that you want to hear, but that isn’t in her heart. She’s entitled to her opinion and you’re entitled to not listen. This has been my point since our first exchange.

        No one should be expected to serve the needs of all. It’s her site and she can do what she wants. Period. Yours is private and that is your choice. So you can privately say what you want and no one can tell you to do otherwise. No one can force you to make your blog public. No one can tell you what, how, and when to say something. You can have your opinions and not be expected to share the “other” side.

        If you wanted to create a reconciliation blog you aren’t bound to write or share sentiments from the “other” side. If you are pro-marriage not pro-divorce, you can refuse to have discussions about pro-divorce processes. That’s like a die-hard Catholic being expected to post (or allow postings) on divorce, birth control, and abortions. It goes against that persons beliefs. No one can force or should expect them to engage in that dialogue. A Pro-Life site isn’t going to say, “we don’t condone abortions, but if you really want one here’s a link to a nearby clinic”. No, if you want one, do your own research elsewhere. That’s the great things about websites and blogs. We can put whatever content we want and as long as it’s not libelous, slanderous, or engaging in criminal acts we can say and promote whatever we want.

        If ChumpLady didn’t believe in love and marriage she wouldn’t have remarried two times. She wouldn’t have stayed in crappy marriages for as long as she did. Her current husband supports her site and even helps contribute to it. Did you ever think that this is how the two of them heal, grow, recover, and bond? It’s her web-based world and we have a choice to be in it or not.

        Just like no one can tell me what I can and can’t put on my blogs. No one can tell me who I can and can’t engage with, write about, promote, or critique on my site. If someone doesn’t like it then guess what? They have millions of other blogs to check out and follow.

        My rules are crystal clear at the top of my blogs. This isn’t a gossip or fashion blog. I’m not giving updates on celebrities. This also isn’t some dark, dreary, I’m-depressed-and-need-to-vent-on-my-soapbox blog. So why would anyone come on here expecting to have those conversations, or read about those things? If they do they will be highly disappointed, and I could care less.

        You chose multiple times to invest time and energy on my blog badmouthing another person that neither of us personally know, and you aren’t even attacking her, you’re coming at me as though that means something or changes anything. I like her site. I like her rawness. I also like for the same (but also different reasons) one of the other sites that I shared with you. I’m entitled to my opinion. Just like you are. Just like ChumpLady is. Just like the rest of us. Opinions are like butt holes, everyone has one.

        For whatever reason you keep seeking answers, help, or whatever from infidelity and reconciliation sites 3 years post-affair. Your investment doesn’t make you better or worse, weaker or stronger than anyone else who has been cheated on, not even ChumpLady.

        Instead of staying on my site why don’t you address your concerns directly with the person you have issues with—ChumpLady for not being pro-reconciliation and your cheater for betraying you and making you wonder 3 years later if he’s really reformed. Oftentimes we project on others instead of addressing our grievances to the responsible parties. And maybe you do need to start your own infidelity blog and you can share both sides of the coin, understanding that you have to be willing to see and embrace both sides.

        Wishing you well and expecting this to be our last exchange on this topic, since this has been worthy of an entire chapter in a book. Have a great weekend. Good night.

      • You’ve completely missed my point. I completely respect that sometimes the right choice is to divorce. So how hard is it to respect that sometimes the right choice is to stay married? If only she had half the respect for people who stay as we all have for those who divorce. Freedom of speech is not relevant here, she’s welcome to think we are all chumps for staying, but she cannot expect us to her respect that view. As an aside it’s always amusing to be patronised by Americans about free speech as if it was invented there 🙂

        No I have no issue with how she runs her life. Only with how she treats people who make different choices to hers. I wouldn’t dream of speaking about divorcees the way she speaks about us. And that’s really all of it.

      • And once again lost in translation, but definitely my last attempt at an “A-ha moment”…a chump isn’t one who JUST stays in a broken relationship, but one that didn’t see the sucker punch coming again and again. Or worse, the ones that saw all of the signs but didn’t duck, detour, call it for what it was, or run. A chump is person that got played or allowed themselves to be played. And not just in personal relationships, although ChumpLady is using it in that frame of reference.

        “Chump” is an old term that rings a certain image in the minds of those who truly understand it’s meaning, and can even laugh when saying, “yep I was/am a chump”. It used to be a term used towards guys who fell for and got played by con artists, and yes, even girls. Then over time it became acceptable to use the term with women. Maybe we can thank women’s lib for that, or maybe you can share your grievances with that group too.

        I’m not sure how old you are or details of your culture or upbringing, but maybe you just don’t understand the humorous reference of a chump. If you don’t, then start there. If you do, and still have issues, then you definitely need to start there. Oh and let me be clear, in no way am I claiming that the term originated in the US.

        If you take the term “chump” too deep and go too dark, then you really have some serious healing to work towards.

        Now to address the next quirk…Here you go again…I never even alluded that the term “freedom of speech” originated in the US, once again, thanks for jumping on your soapbox and twisting things out of alignment just to stir in more mess. No disrespect intended, but I hope that you don’t do this twist and turn mess in your relationship with your husband/boyfriend or anyone else, it’s a somewhat manic posture to take.

        Freedom of speech as used and referenced in the US, is just one of our constitutional rights in the US to say what we want, how we want, where we want, to whomever we want as long as we don’t commit slander or libel—and as long as it isn’t obscene, pornographic, or a threat to do harm. There are some other red flags, but hopefully you get the gist.

        I mentioned the US because unlike you, I didn’t want to assume that you were also from the same country as me because I have readers from around the world who I engage with. So it would be arrogant of me to make reference to something in the context of my country and culture, and not consider yours.

        Now back to my original statement…the use of the term “freedom of speech” IS relevant in this matter, because just as she can say what she wants so can you. And the funny thing is this, while you’re so clearly disturbed by how and what she calls you (even though not specifically and exclusively), and that she won’t deliver the morsels of information to release you from your infidelity-hell, it doesn’t appear that she’s concerned much or at all about your views of her, and whether or not you respect her or her views (which is her right).

        If so, you wouldn’t have hijacked my blog and comment section just to keep talking about ChumpLady. We’re not even talking about the people who you really have issues with, you and your husband/boyfriend. Nope we keep talking about ChumpLady and the audacity of anyone (me included) for saying that we like her site.

        I’m sure she’s flattered that someone speaks this much and with this much passion about her…or maybe not. I don’t know because I don’t know her. I know I won’t waste time or energy engaging her in a conversation about it. Hmmm but maybe by sharing this experience she might want to address it as part of her ongoing disclaimer about what her site and views are and are not, what you can expect to gain or not, so that you can make an educated decision to engage or not on her site. Hmmmm…

        What I do know is that I’ve written about tons of other things on my blog, some things that I really would like a long, healthy dialogue with a reader, but you don’t seem too concerned and fixated on anything else except this one post.

        Too bad I don’t get paid for these interactions.

        Jeesh heaven forbid anyone write anything flattering about their experience on ChumpLady’s site, they get a lovely visit from Nephila ragging on them for being idiots, blinded and narrow-minded. Maybe that should be my next post, “Have You Received a Nephila Blog Visit?”

        Look, Nephila I’ve been on this merry-go-round with you way too long. I wouldn’t debate or engage my husband on a topic of this magnitude for this long. One of us would eventually swear that the other was crazy, on something, or needed meds. So why would I continue to engage and be engaged (any longer) by a total stranger with a private blog, fake name, and no picture—AND on a topic such as this?

        I’ve already invested too much time because out of your own pain and frustration, you can’t see things as they are—so I’ve stayed on this ride trying to explain the plain and simple, which has led us absolutely no where it seems.

        At the end of the day it’s going to be exactly as it was at the beginning—you don’t like what ChumpLady has to offer you, and I told you repeatedly to shop elsewhere. Who keeps going to Bloomingales, Macy’s, or even Target but they can’t stand the place, the people, the customer service, or the products sold?

        You didn’t like my review about ChumpLady and her site, I allowed you to speak your mind repeatedly and even highlighted you on my blog (by responded in a long, drawn out post) just so you can hear my response to your critiques and criticisms loud and clear.

        I welcome healthy dialogue, but my view doesn’t change like a leaf blowing in the wind. My view doesn’t change because someone has presented theirs. I’m too old to be reading and regurgitating things without using my critical thinking skills, making a sound judgment, and then sharing it with others. My initial post and subsequent post was not a knee-jerk reaction. It wasn’t an emotional one either. Your responses have been.

        So as I’ve said countless times before, maybe you need help healing. It’s clear that ChumpLady’s site isn’t the place for that healing. Maybe no site is. I shared two other sites with you. You didn’t say, “thank you” or even “blah”. Nope instead you focused on what you could attack and debate next.

        So I’ve been the chump who has willingly stayed on this ride.

        Maybe what’s best for you to do is sit down face-to-face or over the phone with a clinically trained, licensed, and board-certified professional AND also meet with a spiritual professional who can help you through your healing stages, and help you to not take all things so deep, dark, and personal especially when what’s being done and said isn’t directly addressed to (or attacking) you. But hey, maybe your blog’s URL says it all, “rage”, “sarcasm”, “vitriol”. Maybe you’re the one who is blind and has narrow thinking. Maybe you’re looking for a fight. Maybe you want the combativeness.

        Maybe by getting counseling you will see that no one but you owes you anything.

        No one has to cater to you, respect you, honor you, love you, like you, engage with you, or even remain faithful to you.

        Everyone makes choices. The things we do repeatedly is by our choice. You choose to focus your energy on rage, sarcasm, and being vitriol.

        I’m now choosing to get off of this ride because it’s clearly not fun, it’s not going anywhere exciting, I’m not getting anything positive out of it, and obviously you aren’t gaining anything positive from it. It’s simply and sadly just fueling the three things you focus on most: rage, sarcasm, and vitriol.

        The longer I stay the more time, energy, and other valuable things get wasted, because Nephila is only concerned with her viewpoint and feelings which is ironic because that’s what she attacks another person, ChumpLady, for doing.

        Have a wonderful life Nephila. I hope you get the help that you need, that you heal fully, and that your marriage (or whatever status your relationship is) heals and goes however it’s supposed to in a healthy and loving way. Wishing you well in life.

        Ending this conversation as it should have started. Positive.

  2. Thanks for the kind words and the plug, Natasha!

    • You are very welcome ChumpLady. Thank you for creating a site that is informative, helpful, transformational, authentic and transparent (in that the stories and experiences aren’t sugar-coated, watered down summaries).

      Some people may not like what you have to say, and that’s great, they can visit another site. Your site is for the fed up, unsure, and those starting over (and not wanting to repeat the same chump mistakes).

      You clearly explain at the top of your site that it isn’t a place for those seeking reconciliation.

      Now, if for whatever reason a chump does want to try again with their cheater, then you give them some helpful advice and wish them well. But at the end of the day, the vast majority of cheaters will never change for the better–they just refine their skills on the backs of chumps.

      Thank you again for sharing your experiences, thoughts, feelings, and advice.

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