>You May Be Her Hero and She May Be Your Next Stalker: Part Two Of a Nightmare

>Good morning fellas! How did you sleep? Did you have nightmares of a woman diving through the front window of your home screaming your name? Did you dream of a woman wielding a large knife in your kitchen as you ran for your life?

Ah I see yesterday’s blog post got you thinking. Good. It’s about time your brain did the thinking for you! Are you ready to pick up where we left off and explore female stalkers and your potential for becoming the next stalking victim? Great let’s continue….

Not all movies are created just for entertainment purposes. Some shed light on and attempt to educate us about common issues in the world. If you choose to ignore the signs then that is your fault. Don’t then blame her or accuse her of being crazy. She showed you upfront that she had a ‘screw loose’ while you were too busy being a hero, and jumping for joy that you had a ‘fan’. Tom Cruise’s character, David Aames, in Vanilla Sky, was turned on by Julie Gianni’s stalker-like behavior in the beginning until it was too late and she drove them off a bridge at 80mph. It wasn’t that cute then was it?

Take your life seriously. Look at how you involve yourself with women, and ask yourself if she could possibly be reading more into your ‘arrangement’ than what you expressed. According to Steve Thompson a Yahoo writer, “Some women can be deluded into thinking that their victims are actually in love with them, where male stalkers are more likely not to care whether or not their affections are returned.” Do you remember Kathy Bates in the movie Misery? Nuff said.

So, if you are not crystal clear and repetitious (but no more than two times- after that walk away) in your intent with this female, then you are bound to have drama. If you don’t clearly state at least two or all of the following, you face a world of trouble:

“We are not a couple and I don’t want a committed and monogamous relationship with you”


“I am involved with other women that I see and spend time with frequently”


“Since I am involved with other women I expect you to respect me and them by not questioning me, or creating any drama if you happen to see us somewhere”


“You and I are together just to have fun and have sex”


“Unless you are invited you are not to come to my home or any event I’m hosting”


“No you can’t meet my friends, family, or associates”


“Our time together is not long-term, we are just hanging out temporarily”


“I don’t want children with you and I don’t intend to live with you or marry you”

You may think this is harsh, but trust me when I say that more women go ‘off’ when they feel misled and manipulated. If you feel the need to have a superficial, sexual relationship with a woman then you need to understand the risks that come with that reward. Let’s stop playing games with the definition of sex, sexual relations, and intimacy- we all know what they mean, if not the crazed woman will remind you!            

For women sex is a HUGE deal. No matter what a woman says, sex is a major element in our lives. We either see it on a spiritual level, an empowering and liberating one, or a combination of the two. Sex connects a woman to a man on a deep level, especially if she was taught to value her body and who she shared it with. Sex for many men is like wearing clothes, you can easily get something new. Sex for many women is a rite of passage, it tugs on her maternal strings, it rings her matrimonial ‘bell’- so how do you think it is for a woman who becomes obsessed and resorts to stalking?

According to Steve Thompson’s article women are sneakier stalkers than men, because of their smaller stature they often hide in the shadows (and bushes) unlike their male counterparts who make their presence known to the person they are stalking. So if you want to be all willy nilly and think you’re ‘the man’ because you have some woman hanging on your every word and the waist of your pants, beware…she could be the one who busts the windows out of your car, slashes your tires, throws battery acid on your cherished possessions, shreds your clothes, sends inappropriate pictures and correspondence that you sent her to almost everyone you know in a mass email, calls your mom and goes on a tirade about the type of son she raised, and makes your life a living hell.

Let me share one more vital piece of information- no matter what she says, no matter how good it feels or looks- always always always wear a condom, your own condom (not one she gives you), never get caught slipping without one, and always discard it where she can’t access it- or you could fall victim to ‘baby mama drama’ in the worst way! Trust me, I have seen it happen on several occasions and it is an ugly sight. An obsessed woman will do anything to trap and keep you, so planning a pregnancy is right up her alley.

This is the advice I would give my own son if I had one.

Stalking is a mental health issue and the only way to combat it without medical treatment is to be proactive in our relations with others. When we see the signs we need to address them immediately and when necessary, run away quick, fast and in a hurry! Fellas this is your lesson for the day. Do with it as you please, but don’t ever say I didn’t try to help you. Just as I share information to protect my fellow sister-girls, I too am concerned about your well-being. We’re all in this together. So feel free to share this message with all the men you know. Don’t think you can handle this alone. Don’t feel ashamed if you have a stalker and feel that it isn’t necessary to report her to the police, women understand this fear of embarrassment and will continue until faced with possible jail time or some other form of legal punishment. Steve Thompson’s article hits another note that might pull your ‘chords’:

“A female stalker is often catty and intelligent, and will spend her time thinking of ways to get what she wants, which is often her stalking target. If she thinks she is in love with you, for example, she might see your spouse as an obstacle between the two of you, and therefore will target your spouse with violence. Make sure you think of your family as well as yourself if you are ever in this situation.” Think of Glenn Close in the movie Fatal Attraction or Rebecca De Mornay in The Hand That Rocks The Cradle – do you remember how out of control those situations became?

Just because you are in control of your career, doesn’t mean that you can handle the beast called stalking. Stop lying to yourself. The truth will set you free and maybe you can avoid getting a restraining order!

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
Entire contents of this article with the exception of images and references to outside articles are Copyright Protected by Natasha L. Foreman. paradigmlife.blogspot.com

Sources and Photo Credits:
The Hand That Rocks The Cradle-  dead-like-me.net
Swim Fan- tribute.ca
Misery- blogs.setonhill.edu
Fatal Attraction- guardian.co.uk
Restraining Order image- murderati.com
Steve Thompson (2008). How to Deal with a Female Stalker. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/507861/how_to_deal_with_a_female_stalker_pg2.html?cat=17

>You May Be Her Hero and She May Be Your Next Stalker

>Last Friday I watched the movie Vanilla Sky again after having seen it many years ago. I was relaxing on the airplane and wanted to see a thriller that would have me on the edge of my seat. My friend was next to me working like crazy and I knew there would be conflict if I broke our pact to not watch a new release without each other. Friends…don’t you love them? Okay I’ve clearly digressed…back toVanilla Sky- it confused me the first time I watched it because I was overanalyzing it; so this time I simply opened my eyes and let the movie reel me in to the twisted world of Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz’s characters, David Aames and Julie Gianni respectively.

There is a common theme in these psychological thrillers that many men fail to recognize, realize, and put in their back pocket for quick reference in the future- there is no man exempt from being stalked- especially not men of influence and affluence; for you your odds are even greater. If you are having a casual fling or affair with a woman, but you are not a ‘couple’ in any aspect of the term- you need to be cautious as to how much time and money you spend and how far you go with this delicate situation and fragile personality. Let me just say that you are certifiably out of your mind if you’re involved with an employee, co-worker, agent, representative, volunteer, or intern at your company (or toying with the idea). You are just waiting for the drama to begin- but if you walk away now maybe there is hope for you yet. Even flirting with someone nowadays could put you in the shoes of Idris Elba in the movie Obsessed, remember how Beyonce had to beat the mess out of that crazy woman?

I have a funny feeling as I type this that it would be best to split this article into another two-parter series because it’s about to be deep and heavy. So that is what we’re going to do….

Are you ready to find out if you’re involved with or in the cross hairs of a stalker or potential stalker? Here’s some tell-tale signs:

– She frequently tells you that her world is incomplete or unbearable without you


– You are her “hero”


– She is “your biggest fan”


– She compares and refers to you as a fictional superhero


– She goes out of her way to appear to be different than other women you dated


– She makes her presence felt when you’re in public- in an attempt to send the signal that you’re ‘off limits’

– You aren’t a couple, yet she refers to “we” and “us” frequently

– She exhibits childish behaviors and tendencies where you become ‘daddy’

– She shows up at your events uninvited

– She seems to always know where you are

– She knows more about you in two months than most friends of 1-2 years

– She knew a great deal about you before you met, or soon after meeting

– She is clingy and needs to be around and under you constantly


– She is constantly trying to form a deeper connection with you


– She spends a great deal of her day calling, texting, emailing, and IM’ing you


– She correlates her happiness with you to her well-being


– You are the center of her life

– She shows up to your house frequently unannounced and uninvited

– She tries to (and encourages) having unprotected sex with you

– She begins to dress and carry herself like women you are attracted to

– She joins groups and associations you are a member of

– She somehow suddenly enjoys all or most of your hobbies
– She tells you she thinks you are soul mates, that you were meant to be together


– She tells you that you’re her only real friend


– She tells you that you are the only family she has


– She plays mental games


– She claims to be out of town on a trip, when she is actually still in town


– She jokes around about hurting other women you associate with

– She seems to seek your approval and acceptance

– Her self-esteem is connected to how you view her

– She expects you to contact her more frequently

– She jokes about releasing your pictures and letters to the public

– She says she’s not ready for kids, but always talks about becoming a mother

– She is an emotional roller coaster


– She frequently recalls intimate moments with you like a fairy-tale


– She talks with great detail about a future with you as though you are a couple


– She speaks casually about having a family with you and being your wife


– She questions your whereabouts and who you associate with


– She tries to find ways to meet and get close to your friends and family


– She inserts herself into your personal and/or professional life

This list can go on for pages. These are just several warning signs of women who potentially could become your stalker, or who are already stalking you. This is serious, and should not be taken lightly. Many men have lost their freedom, their income, their lives, their limbs, and their peace of mind behind women they assumed were just infatuated with them; women they assumed knew their insignificant “role” or “position”- trust me you both are on totally different pages!

You may laugh but this is definitely not a joking matter.

This is not just lust, puppy love, a crush, or infatuation- this is clear stalker behavior and if you continue down this path you are doomed to experience her wrath at the highest level. Matter of fact, take a double-take with any woman over the age of 25…hmmm even 22, who makes reference to having a ‘crush’ on you- that’s not grown woman talk. Now that I’m thinking about the movie The Crush, you should also shudder if a teen girl says, “I have a crush on you”. Run far far away!

A woman claiming to have a crush on you exhibits characteristics of an incomplete life tied to daddy issues- just waiting to burst the seams. A personality such as this has an imagined sense of a connection with you, and feels entitled to a life with you. In her mind you are soul mates, and are to be together forever. She is not merely your fling, sex buddy, lover, or friend- in her mind she is yours and you are hers, you just haven’t realized it yet! I’m going to let you ponder this over night. I’m not trying to scare you- just enlighten you; open your eyes and make you see that some people are one french fry short of a Happy Meal and you have to be cautious and THINK before you speak or act, and consider the consequences! Consider getting out of the sticky web you wove or are weaving and start the new year drama-free!

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

Entire contents of this article with the exception of images and references to outside articles are Copyright Protected by Natasha L. Foreman. paradigmlife.blogspot.com

Photo credits:
Twitter stalker- zazzle.com
Obsessed: ontheflix.com
The Crush- thevine.com.au
Vanilla Sky- ew.com
I’m Not a Stalker- roadkilltshirts.com

>Love Leadership Highlighted on YWTF Blog

>Today my Leadership piece was published on the Younger Women’s Task Force Atlanta (YWTF-ATL) Chapter blog. I highlighted an awesome leadership book that I have blogged about a few times throughout the year here on my personal blog; LOVE LEADERSHIP: A New Way to Lead in a Fear-Based World by John Hope Bryant. Now I’m kicking it up a notch to share my views with other readers outside the “Paradigm Life” realm. 

Read the article and then please post a comment on the YWTF-ATL blog so we can hear your thoughts about the articles, subjects, and themes we discuss weekly. Are there other leadership books that you found helpful, informative, and life-changing? Please share this information with me so I can share with other readers. Also feel free to repost this link to the article: http://ywtfatlanta.blogspot.com/2010/12/leading-through-love-not-iron-fist-of.html on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIN, and other social media websites. I and we appreciate your support!

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com

 

>Fearing What We Want Most Because of Control

>In my honest opinion I think that people fear loving, giving, receiving, sharing, and caring because these are elements that we can't truly and fully control. You can't control how others will respond, you can't control the outcome, and you can't control your feelings and emotions. So what do we do? We hold back. We filter ourselves, we tiptoe around issues and situations. We give only a small fraction of ourselves to others, but oddly enough we give more to those who shouldn't matter, and give less to those who should matter most. We give our time, attention and affection to people who are leaches, and who spend their lives secretly and slowly sucking the life out of others- us included. Yet we neglect the ones who bring added value to our lives.

We applaud the ones who spend their days exclaiming (although trying to act modest), "look what I did", "look who I helped", "look at what I bought", "look at what someone gave me" rather than honoring the person who gives without announcing it to the world, the person who doesn't need to show off like a peacock what they possess or were given. We carry on our backs the victims who spend their waking moments showing off their symbolic 'cross' they have carried since childhood. We tell ourselves, "they need saving, they need us". We merely pat the backs of those who are humble survivors and fighters, who make no excuses and need no "oh woest me" stories to gain sympathy or empathy. They instead get up each day and do their job to the best of their ability. Those are the ones we should be walking beside. Those are the ones we should be soaring with- instead we hang with the scum eaters.

More energy is given to the show-off and to the victim, than the doer and fighter, and this troubles me.

It is more comfortable uplifting someone who spends life taking from others, because in our minds we can control that situation and we can possibly 'fix' and save them. Everyone wants to be a hero, because you think you can control your interaction with the person you're saving. When in reality the more you try to save them the more they need saving- and soon a co-dependent relationship is formed. You need the ego-stroking and cheerleading, and they need the savior. Sounds ridiculously draining to me but I see this scenario regularly.

You would think that people would avoid this type of interaction, but I believe that it is uncomfortable for some of us to build a life with a person who is comfortable rising to the top with you; giving, rather than taking, sharing rather than expecting. We can't control our feelings with this person. They are our hero as much or more than we are theirs- and this scares some of us. We can't control falling into the light of love with them- so we would rather walk in darkness and hope that the pocket-sized flashlight with weakened batteries is enough to help see us through. Instead of living a life that feels effortless, we would rather expend unnecessary energy enabling someone and give to a person who lives with a sense of entitlement but perpetrates as though they are charitable.

We think that it is safer to live in the unknown of potential mania, than the unknown of limitless bliss. Wouldn't you rather embrace the idea of how good something can be, versus the unknown of how devastating something could become? Are we then not drama queens and kings? Are we not setting ourselves up for hurt, embarrassment and failure? Are we not forming cancerous relationships?

How is there comfort in being with someone who has less to lose by being associated with you? Less to lose if scandal splatters upon you? How is there comfort in being with someone who would jump ship, throw you under the bus, and turn their back on you if something bad came your way? How is there comfort in associating with a person who is only around you for what they can get from you and from knowing you? Where is your true span of control in this type of relationship?

The reality is, being with the wrong person, even temporarily, just because we think we can control the circumstances actually leaves us in less control than if we were with the person we're supposed to love, and who truly loves us. If fear is False Evidence Appearing Real then why wouldn't we embrace truth? Why wouldn't we embrace the realness of life, love, joy and happiness? Why wouldn't we want to be super-charged by a shared energy with a person who gives as much or more than we do?

Are you willing to miss being with the person who is your better half because you are a coward? Are you willing to lose the best thing that you may ever have, the person whose love is priceless- for something that can be easily replicated, and quickly bought and sold? You can let go and experience true love, or you can close your eyes and wake up to the nightmare of having your joy stolen from you.

Which option seems to provide you with more control now?

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com

>Natasha’s Quote of the Day 12.20.10

>

A person can only fake being someone they are not for only so long before their true self is revealed. Don’t be fooled with the superficial mask people wear- don’t be enamored with the pretty shell- instead look for their authentic self, it’s not difficult to find if you just look closely.

– Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com 

>Taking on Education with the Younger Women’s Task Force Blog

>Tuesday my piece on education called, "Education Meltdown: Our Future in Peril, was published on the Younger Women's Task Force Atlanta (YWTF-ATL) chapter's blog. This piece discusses where we are as a country in the field of education, our youth drop out rate and its correlation to lower-paying jobs amongst other things; and the future of our country if we do not intervene now.

This is not a situation where you can say, "this doesn't affect me" or "this couldn't happen to my family". We are all in this together and what affects one group of Americans, affects all Americans- one way or another. Here is the link to my article:
http://ywtfatlanta.blogspot.com/2010/12/education-meltdown-our-future-in-peril.html I of course welcome all comments, feedback, and ideas on how we can come together to help rebuild our communities, our educational system, our schools, our reputation, and 'hope' within our children.

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com

>Things That Make You Say "Hmmmm" and "What the…"

>Here's some news that may make you scratch your head:

Cabrini-Green Scheduled for Demolition
Chicago's Cabrini-Green Projects closed down after 68 years and some residents of the notorious housing complex fought the move and said they didn't want to leave.
Cabrini-Green has been known as the most dangerous projects in the nation. The 1970s television show Good Times was based off it, and the opening and closing credits always showed images of Cabrini-Green even though it was taped in a Los Angeles, California studio. I know someone who used to live there- I wonder what he would say if I asked him how he felt about the closing and demolition of the place he and his family couldn't wait to get away from?

Want to read more about the residents who fought the closure, and their comments on the last day the doors remained open? Here you go: http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local-beat/Last-Cabrini-Green-Residents-Move-Out-111591479.html

DRC: Addressing Heinous Human Rights Violations
The Security Council has imposed sanctions including a travel ban and asset freeze on an army colonel in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) on charges of killing and maiming children, recruiting child soldiers, sexual violations and denial of humanitarian access.

Nigeria's Target: Dick Cheney
Nigerian authorities filed charges Tuesday against former US vice president Dick Cheney and others over a bribery scandal allegedly involving energy firm Halliburton; despite the report by Daily Independent the previous day that Washington is unlikely to release him to face trial in Nigeria.

Divorce: Child vs Childless
"According to [the] discovery channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples. Sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause of divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States, at least 66 per cent of all divorced couples are childless." -As reported by website divorcerate.org

No More Hooky From Work
Firms are hiring detectives to verify sick-days of employees. Beware of the sick-day bounty hunters. No more playing hooky. If you get caught you could get in trouble at work, or worse- fired! A private detective, Rick Raymond was reported as saying that 80-85% of the time those who called out sick are actually being dishonest and committing fraud.
Check out the article it's deep:
http://finance.yahoo.com/career-work/article/111529/sick-day-bounty-hunters?mod=career-worklife_balance

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. Some Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com

>How Did We Get Here? Part Two of Our Mania Analyzed

>Yesterday I took responsibility for why our youth are confused, over-sexed, overly-aggressive, pissed off, waiting to explode, dropping out of school, and dropping out of life. I also made sure that the rest of my generation, and the generation before ours understood their role in this nonsense. If you didn’t believe me yesterday, maybe the added layers I am presenting today will help you see the light and the err of our ways.

So let’s continue….

Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy
We glorified the game of stripping and pimping. The movie “The Players Club” starring LisaRaye and Ice Cube was supposed to send a message- to educate females as to the harsh realities of stripping- instead it served as an enticement for girls to buy 6-inch clear heels, and guys to turn the $20 bills into ones- and folks got hooked!

Young ladies saw women making hundreds and thousands of dollars per night dancing and sliding down poles in strip clubs, and they convinced themselves- “I can do that too and get paid“. Guys saw the opportunity to watch well-oiled women partially or fully naked bobbing their heads and rears in well-choreographed routines- and they only had to be in some cases 18-years-old to participate.

Men watched the 1970s Blaxploitation film the “The Mack” one too many times in the 1990s and decided that they too could be Goldie. Somehow someway the annual Pimp of the Year awards ceremony took center stage and gave mainstream America a look into pimping. A career we used to despise pre-1990s, we now were embracing by 2000. We laughed at the thought of a pimp sending young girls and women out on the streets to have sex with strangers for money, and then having to bring that money back to the pimp- only to get a fraction of what was earned. What woman in her right mind would have sex for money and then give her money to a pimp? If I made $100 why would I settle for $20-40? The logic supposedly is the pimp takes care of you like daddy never did!

My generation decided it would be cool to ‘pimp our rides’ and put 20 to 26 inch wheels on our cars. Remember the spinners? Remember when we added Louis Vuitton and Gucci print interiors, and took “tricking out” cars well-beyond what our parents did to their cars in the 70s? Some of us also broke rapper E-40’s rule about ‘flossin’ when he said in the song Rapper’s Ball- “don’t buy an $85,000 car before you buy a house“. People had luxury cars sitting on the street outside their apartment or grandmother’s house- not a home they personally owned. This legacy has sadly been passed on to the younger generations.

Circa 2000, thanks to rappers and opportunists- the ‘Pimp Glass’ was making its way on to the scene, and people thought they would look so cool walking around with a huge goblet covered in various colored stones signifying their pimp status. I started noticing more men of my generation growing out their finger nails, pressing and perming their hair, wearing bright colored suits and shoes, and altering their walk and speech to appear to be more pimpish. They were imitating the men they grew up seeing on the streets in the 1970s and 80s. These men never considered their own daughters and how they would feel if they were prostitutes. Nope, it was all about “keeping that pimp hand strong“. Now there are regular Pimp-N-Ho parties in Las Vegas and Los Angeles, where men and women can dress up and role play for a night. Hmmmm, now we question the pimp and ho mentality of our youth. Really?

We Question the Dances We Encourage
We wonder why these younger generations are so vulgar and descriptive with their lyrics. We wonder how it is possible they can rap and sing about sexual acts so freely and that radio stations and cable networks have no problem playing the songs and videos. Say it with me, WE DID IT! My generation sold itself out. My parents generation gladly accepted us as sell-outs. Now we sit back and watch young girls old enough to be our kids popping their butts, gyrating their hips, and simulating sexual acts- and instead of being outraged- folks are tuning in!

Now we can click on a video on YouTube and watch complete strangers fight, perform lap dances, and do just about any bizarre thing they can imagine. I have seen parents recording their children ages two through 12 performing to Beyonce, Ciara, Usher, Trey Songz, Soldier Boy, and Nicki Minaj- when they should be dancing and singing Disney and Gospel songs. But instead I see their images all over YouTube and hear their parents in the background encouraging and coaching them.

I’m sorry, no child should be singing and performing the moves to Ciara’s “Ride” or Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” songs- and their parents shouldn’t be taping them…but…

THAT’S MY GENERATION!

We went from breaking, popping, locking, smurfing, and freaking to the New Jack era of dancing. Then we hit a period of time where guys stopped dancing- it was about sitting back and checking out the ladies. Then the theme went to, “gangstas don’t dance we boogie” and now you have half the guys still doing the smooth two-step and the other half doing the ‘stanky leg’ last year. I was relieved to see the Krump, Crunk, Buck, Hyphy, and Jerking movements hit the scene because it reminded me of how we danced in the 80s and early 90s. They also promoted the feel-good, laid back mindset that we once had. It was back to good ole’ dance competitions, and less sex-on-the-dance floor moments. But these youngsters aren’t totally free from the grips of our mania.

So we wonder why these generations that followed us are all screwed up? Just look in the mirror. Our generation is behind the ultimate success of MTV, BET, and Vh1. We are behind the spandex shorts, skirts, and dresses. We are behind the sagging pants and jeans- thanks to Eazy-E who in his 1988 song “We Want Eazy” when the girls yelled out why he wore his jeans that way, he said, “It’s for easy access baby“.

Thug Mentality
It’s our generation that highlighted and glorified ‘colors’, ‘sets’, and the life of gangs. We thought by yelling out and sharing what was happening in our neighborhoods that the world would take notice and that our government would do something to help clean up our streets. Instead we took gang-banging to wax and made millions off of telling stories of how we shot someone or got shot; how we saw Lil’ Re-Re “get blasted on” on the “‘Shaw” for ‘set trippin’. That image spread from the 1980s and youth across the country began wearing red and blue (and eventually yellow, green, and purple) representing the Los Angeles street gangs.

Do you recall the influx of gang-related movies that hit the screen in the late 1980s and 1990s? Every few months there was a movie based on either old-school Al Capone-type gangsters, or the new school version of the jerri curl, Dickies-wearing ‘gangsta’.

I remember in 1988 or 1989 hearing a kid claim Hoover Crip while another one claimed Piru Bloods and guess where they lived? Oklahoma City, Oklahoma!!! Who’s fault is that? My dang generation! In 1992 “The Chronic” enticed my generation to “take a toke but don’t choke” and beg their daddies and uncles for their old-school Impala, Monte Carlo, Camaro, and El Camino parked in the garage. I had friends who were shot and thrown in jail and prison by or before the age of 18. I have a childhood friend who is on death row right now, and I don’t mean the record label. He’s been locked up since 1992 and his case is gang-related. Whether guilty or innocent- he is a product of my generation’s mania.

Sex and violence sells. My generation tells the story. Our parents generation gets it sold and cuts us a check. The generations after us are busy killing each other off using sex, drugs, and guns. We have the nerve to ask how and why. The answer lies in us.

What are you willing to do to right our wrongs and to take our communities and our children back? There may not be much we can do for our generations who are strung out on crack and heroine, walking the ho stroll, swinging on slippery poles, or still gang-banging at 45. But we can do something to help those ages 25 and younger. There is something we can do to end this cycle of buffoonery, the persistent slave-mentality, the self-loathing, and to make sure our people aren’t still walking in the ‘wilderness’ for 40 years, waiting for salvation.

Do you need time to ponder this? Okay I will be here waiting….

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com

>Responses to Going Against the Grain Prenup Post

>Three ladies close to me responded to my blog post on prenups…check out what they had to say:

…I totally agree with you on the prenup. I know a woman right now that has been married for several years. She helped her husband raise his kids and pay for his house. Throughout the marriage he purchased several acres of land. Of course you know he would not have been able to do this without her assistance. Now he is divorcing her and wants half of her retirement, wants to keep the home and the rest of the property. He had the divorce papers served to her at their home. She had to move out. She is now living in an apartment. I thought how cruel he could be when he wants the divorce.

Now here’s the real kicker, she still loves the b@#&@*#! Sorry, I had to go there, but it’s the truth. If I get married again, I would definitely have a prenup.

Here’s a second viewpoint:

Go girl. I agree. I think it is a great idea. However if I helped you attain any wealth then I am entitled to that. Even if we dated for 7 years and all along the way I helped you. Then we married and later divorced. I am entitled. If I did nothing I get nothing!      Sounds fair!

If I came into a wealthy marriage and we chose for me to stay at home then I think the man should at least help you get on your own. Maybe initial costs of living especially with kids involved. Prenup could be the answer, we would have a lot less gold-diggers out there marrying old men for their money….

Here’s a third viewpoint:

I agree with you 100%, especially as I get older. Prenups can include anything, like you said, but it helps set the expectations of each person. It’s more than money or potenial wealth that it protects, it’s like a guide book (depending on what you include) for the happy couple. You never want to go into a marriage thinking about divorce, but you should always be prepared for whatever may happen in life. Great post.

Anyone else want to share their thoughts? I’d love to hear what you have to say. Don’t be afraid or intimidated. It’s all about healthy dialogue! 🙂

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com

>How Did We Get Here? Part One of Our Mania Analyzed

>I have been involved in numerous discussions about what happened in the last twenty-something years to society, our culture, and our children. The answer I have just recently came up with is simply this:

It’s our fault!

Yes, you read that right. Get ready because I’m swinging! Two generations are guilty of the bulk of this madness. My generation which consists of adults ages 35-46 and our parents generation- the 56 to 66-year-olds and it’s long-overdue for us to take responsibility for our actions and inactions. Let me explain and so that I’m not accused of double-talk or sugar-coating things I will break this down and sprinkle it with language of the generations so that I’m perfectly clear. I will also break this piece into a two-part series because this may be too big of a pill for many of you to swallow…..

Profitable Commodities: Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, and Violence
My generation created the hard-core music that highlights sex, drugs, and living hard and wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah they were talking about sex, drugs, and cheating in the 70s- but my generation took the concept that was written subliminally and we just opened Pandora’s box. My generation created the music that said it’s okay to have multiple sex partners, it’s okay to cheat on your girlfriend or wife, it’s okay for you and your friends to swap sex partners- it’s okay to pull all-nighters where each guy lines up at the door waiting for their chance at a session with the girl waiting in the room. My generation said it’s okay to get high off weed, speed, and everything in between.

 

Alcohol: The Quick High
My generation promoted St. Ides, Old English, Boone’s Farm, and drinking 40s. Before my generation no one drank a 40 ounce of beer. Period.

Even in 1986 when Billy Dee Williams became the face of Colt 45 this smooth, sexy chocolate man wasn’t guzzling back a 40 ounce. Yes, our culture has been marketed to heavily by malt liquor companies for over 40 years, but my generation got reeled in with the quick, cheap high of 40 ounces. We then spread the news quickly in music and movies, and now younger generations are hooked. Wonderful!

Yes, I’m being facetious!

My generation has promoted drinking liquor like Hennessey, Crown Royal, Smirnoff, Absolut, and oh remember when everyone got on the Cristal champagne kick? Folks didn’t even like champagne but they were excited by the thought of taking a sip or even just holding the bottle of Cristal. Pitiful!

Now we have rappers, actors, and a well-known movie director-slash-producer buying into, partnering with and promoting various alcoholic brands- and serving them up in the Black and Brown communities; ignoring the fact that just like they had access to their parents’ liquor cabinet, these kids have access also and think it’s cool to be ‘sipping on syrup’. What are we doing to our people?

Sex: Sloppy Seconds and Thirds and…
My generation made Magnum condoms what they are today- popular, but obviously not used that often since we have more unplanned pregnancies and HIV cases than a little bit. There were and are more men claiming to be Magnum men, when they and we know the truth; but just saying the name speaks volumes. Magnum means ‘manhood’- so men say it and claim it.

Our songs went from fighting against war, oppression, and racism to ‘set trippin’, ‘baby mamas’, love triangles, and trying not to get grits thrown on us for coming in at 5am. Our songs went from “Fight the Power” to “What Set You Claim?” Our songs glorified pimping, illegal hustling, gang banging, and ho slanging. In the late 80s and 90s we were body rocking, knocking the boots- I can hear the guys just like it was yesterday when they would yell out, “that’s baby making music”. What the….!!!!! Yep, there were plenty of babies being made in the late 80s and 90s- a flippin baby boom! We wonder why the generations that followed are highly engaged in sex, violence, drugs and alcohol- uh because we set the stage for it and the generation before us financed it!

The Message in the Music
My generation created the songs. My parents generation was in power to get those songs recorded, pressed, printed, and put on the radio airwaves and in the record stores. My parents generation had the money and power to get our songs out there, and to finance the music videos that told their story. They were the age we are today, and their eyes saw dollar signs. The heads of record labels and distribution companies found a way to turn a huge profit, finance the purchase of jets, luxury penthouses, and trips around the world- while my generation worked their butts off cranking out product and getting the smallest return (sometimes owing the label money). Now who wants to talk about the pimp game?

Our music videos showed images of young Black and Latino women in tight fitting, short, revealing, scantily-clad clothing. But that wasn’t enough. We needed more. We needed to see which girl was “Poison” and was willing to show off their “big butt and a smile”. We told these ladies, who are daughters and granddaughters, that the sexiest and biggest risk-takers would be the leading ladies in these videos. So with big house wishes and champagne and caviar dreams, these females removed layer after layer of clothing, leaving less to the imagination, and then the dances amplified- transitioning from the 1980s ‘freak’ to the 1990s ‘cry baby’ and basically women were having sex on the dance floor. Eventually night clubs turned into sex clubs.

2 Live Crew explored every crevice on a woman’s body in the 90s by seeing which one would prove to be the biggest ‘freak’. So on concert and club stages around the country, women shoved fruits, veggies, and anything else they could find into some of the most unimaginable places in front of hundreds of strangers.

This is my generation’s fault.

If my fellow 30-something and 40-something rappers, singers, and writers would stop trying so hard to fit in with the younger crowds there would not be a flow-through of our perversion over to these kids.

Better to be Cute and Hard, but not Smart
We wonder why girls are more concerned with their looks than their grades- we wonder why 10-year-old girls are looking like they are 21-year-olds…we wonder why we see so many young men walking around with sagging pants and frowns- looking as though they are waiting for a fight; looking like they are thinking, “I wish a #!**@ would”.

Do you really still not know the answer?

I will let you ponder this…we’ll pick up where we left off tomorrow!

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com