>You May Be Her Hero and She May Be Your Next Stalker: Part Two Of a Nightmare

>Good morning fellas! How did you sleep? Did you have nightmares of a woman diving through the front window of your home screaming your name? Did you dream of a woman wielding a large knife in your kitchen as you ran for your life?

Ah I see yesterday’s blog post got you thinking. Good. It’s about time your brain did the thinking for you! Are you ready to pick up where we left off and explore female stalkers and your potential for becoming the next stalking victim? Great let’s continue….

Not all movies are created just for entertainment purposes. Some shed light on and attempt to educate us about common issues in the world. If you choose to ignore the signs then that is your fault. Don’t then blame her or accuse her of being crazy. She showed you upfront that she had a ‘screw loose’ while you were too busy being a hero, and jumping for joy that you had a ‘fan’. Tom Cruise’s character, David Aames, in Vanilla Sky, was turned on by Julie Gianni’s stalker-like behavior in the beginning until it was too late and she drove them off a bridge at 80mph. It wasn’t that cute then was it?

Take your life seriously. Look at how you involve yourself with women, and ask yourself if she could possibly be reading more into your ‘arrangement’ than what you expressed. According to Steve Thompson a Yahoo writer, “Some women can be deluded into thinking that their victims are actually in love with them, where male stalkers are more likely not to care whether or not their affections are returned.” Do you remember Kathy Bates in the movie Misery? Nuff said.

So, if you are not crystal clear and repetitious (but no more than two times- after that walk away) in your intent with this female, then you are bound to have drama. If you don’t clearly state at least two or all of the following, you face a world of trouble:

“We are not a couple and I don’t want a committed and monogamous relationship with you”


“I am involved with other women that I see and spend time with frequently”


“Since I am involved with other women I expect you to respect me and them by not questioning me, or creating any drama if you happen to see us somewhere”


“You and I are together just to have fun and have sex”


“Unless you are invited you are not to come to my home or any event I’m hosting”


“No you can’t meet my friends, family, or associates”


“Our time together is not long-term, we are just hanging out temporarily”


“I don’t want children with you and I don’t intend to live with you or marry you”

You may think this is harsh, but trust me when I say that more women go ‘off’ when they feel misled and manipulated. If you feel the need to have a superficial, sexual relationship with a woman then you need to understand the risks that come with that reward. Let’s stop playing games with the definition of sex, sexual relations, and intimacy- we all know what they mean, if not the crazed woman will remind you!            

For women sex is a HUGE deal. No matter what a woman says, sex is a major element in our lives. We either see it on a spiritual level, an empowering and liberating one, or a combination of the two. Sex connects a woman to a man on a deep level, especially if she was taught to value her body and who she shared it with. Sex for many men is like wearing clothes, you can easily get something new. Sex for many women is a rite of passage, it tugs on her maternal strings, it rings her matrimonial ‘bell’- so how do you think it is for a woman who becomes obsessed and resorts to stalking?

According to Steve Thompson’s article women are sneakier stalkers than men, because of their smaller stature they often hide in the shadows (and bushes) unlike their male counterparts who make their presence known to the person they are stalking. So if you want to be all willy nilly and think you’re ‘the man’ because you have some woman hanging on your every word and the waist of your pants, beware…she could be the one who busts the windows out of your car, slashes your tires, throws battery acid on your cherished possessions, shreds your clothes, sends inappropriate pictures and correspondence that you sent her to almost everyone you know in a mass email, calls your mom and goes on a tirade about the type of son she raised, and makes your life a living hell.

Let me share one more vital piece of information- no matter what she says, no matter how good it feels or looks- always always always wear a condom, your own condom (not one she gives you), never get caught slipping without one, and always discard it where she can’t access it- or you could fall victim to ‘baby mama drama’ in the worst way! Trust me, I have seen it happen on several occasions and it is an ugly sight. An obsessed woman will do anything to trap and keep you, so planning a pregnancy is right up her alley.

This is the advice I would give my own son if I had one.

Stalking is a mental health issue and the only way to combat it without medical treatment is to be proactive in our relations with others. When we see the signs we need to address them immediately and when necessary, run away quick, fast and in a hurry! Fellas this is your lesson for the day. Do with it as you please, but don’t ever say I didn’t try to help you. Just as I share information to protect my fellow sister-girls, I too am concerned about your well-being. We’re all in this together. So feel free to share this message with all the men you know. Don’t think you can handle this alone. Don’t feel ashamed if you have a stalker and feel that it isn’t necessary to report her to the police, women understand this fear of embarrassment and will continue until faced with possible jail time or some other form of legal punishment. Steve Thompson’s article hits another note that might pull your ‘chords’:

“A female stalker is often catty and intelligent, and will spend her time thinking of ways to get what she wants, which is often her stalking target. If she thinks she is in love with you, for example, she might see your spouse as an obstacle between the two of you, and therefore will target your spouse with violence. Make sure you think of your family as well as yourself if you are ever in this situation.” Think of Glenn Close in the movie Fatal Attraction or Rebecca De Mornay in The Hand That Rocks The Cradle – do you remember how out of control those situations became?

Just because you are in control of your career, doesn’t mean that you can handle the beast called stalking. Stop lying to yourself. The truth will set you free and maybe you can avoid getting a restraining order!

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
Entire contents of this article with the exception of images and references to outside articles are Copyright Protected by Natasha L. Foreman. paradigmlife.blogspot.com

Sources and Photo Credits:
The Hand That Rocks The Cradle-  dead-like-me.net
Swim Fan- tribute.ca
Misery- blogs.setonhill.edu
Fatal Attraction- guardian.co.uk
Restraining Order image- murderati.com
Steve Thompson (2008). How to Deal with a Female Stalker. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/507861/how_to_deal_with_a_female_stalker_pg2.html?cat=17

>You May Be Her Hero and She May Be Your Next Stalker

>Last Friday I watched the movie Vanilla Sky again after having seen it many years ago. I was relaxing on the airplane and wanted to see a thriller that would have me on the edge of my seat. My friend was next to me working like crazy and I knew there would be conflict if I broke our pact to not watch a new release without each other. Friends…don’t you love them? Okay I’ve clearly digressed…back toVanilla Sky- it confused me the first time I watched it because I was overanalyzing it; so this time I simply opened my eyes and let the movie reel me in to the twisted world of Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz’s characters, David Aames and Julie Gianni respectively.

There is a common theme in these psychological thrillers that many men fail to recognize, realize, and put in their back pocket for quick reference in the future- there is no man exempt from being stalked- especially not men of influence and affluence; for you your odds are even greater. If you are having a casual fling or affair with a woman, but you are not a ‘couple’ in any aspect of the term- you need to be cautious as to how much time and money you spend and how far you go with this delicate situation and fragile personality. Let me just say that you are certifiably out of your mind if you’re involved with an employee, co-worker, agent, representative, volunteer, or intern at your company (or toying with the idea). You are just waiting for the drama to begin- but if you walk away now maybe there is hope for you yet. Even flirting with someone nowadays could put you in the shoes of Idris Elba in the movie Obsessed, remember how Beyonce had to beat the mess out of that crazy woman?

I have a funny feeling as I type this that it would be best to split this article into another two-parter series because it’s about to be deep and heavy. So that is what we’re going to do….

Are you ready to find out if you’re involved with or in the cross hairs of a stalker or potential stalker? Here’s some tell-tale signs:

– She frequently tells you that her world is incomplete or unbearable without you


– You are her “hero”


– She is “your biggest fan”


– She compares and refers to you as a fictional superhero


– She goes out of her way to appear to be different than other women you dated


– She makes her presence felt when you’re in public- in an attempt to send the signal that you’re ‘off limits’

– You aren’t a couple, yet she refers to “we” and “us” frequently

– She exhibits childish behaviors and tendencies where you become ‘daddy’

– She shows up at your events uninvited

– She seems to always know where you are

– She knows more about you in two months than most friends of 1-2 years

– She knew a great deal about you before you met, or soon after meeting

– She is clingy and needs to be around and under you constantly


– She is constantly trying to form a deeper connection with you


– She spends a great deal of her day calling, texting, emailing, and IM’ing you


– She correlates her happiness with you to her well-being


– You are the center of her life

– She shows up to your house frequently unannounced and uninvited

– She tries to (and encourages) having unprotected sex with you

– She begins to dress and carry herself like women you are attracted to

– She joins groups and associations you are a member of

– She somehow suddenly enjoys all or most of your hobbies
– She tells you she thinks you are soul mates, that you were meant to be together


– She tells you that you’re her only real friend


– She tells you that you are the only family she has


– She plays mental games


– She claims to be out of town on a trip, when she is actually still in town


– She jokes around about hurting other women you associate with

– She seems to seek your approval and acceptance

– Her self-esteem is connected to how you view her

– She expects you to contact her more frequently

– She jokes about releasing your pictures and letters to the public

– She says she’s not ready for kids, but always talks about becoming a mother

– She is an emotional roller coaster


– She frequently recalls intimate moments with you like a fairy-tale


– She talks with great detail about a future with you as though you are a couple


– She speaks casually about having a family with you and being your wife


– She questions your whereabouts and who you associate with


– She tries to find ways to meet and get close to your friends and family


– She inserts herself into your personal and/or professional life

This list can go on for pages. These are just several warning signs of women who potentially could become your stalker, or who are already stalking you. This is serious, and should not be taken lightly. Many men have lost their freedom, their income, their lives, their limbs, and their peace of mind behind women they assumed were just infatuated with them; women they assumed knew their insignificant “role” or “position”- trust me you both are on totally different pages!

You may laugh but this is definitely not a joking matter.

This is not just lust, puppy love, a crush, or infatuation- this is clear stalker behavior and if you continue down this path you are doomed to experience her wrath at the highest level. Matter of fact, take a double-take with any woman over the age of 25…hmmm even 22, who makes reference to having a ‘crush’ on you- that’s not grown woman talk. Now that I’m thinking about the movie The Crush, you should also shudder if a teen girl says, “I have a crush on you”. Run far far away!

A woman claiming to have a crush on you exhibits characteristics of an incomplete life tied to daddy issues- just waiting to burst the seams. A personality such as this has an imagined sense of a connection with you, and feels entitled to a life with you. In her mind you are soul mates, and are to be together forever. She is not merely your fling, sex buddy, lover, or friend- in her mind she is yours and you are hers, you just haven’t realized it yet! I’m going to let you ponder this over night. I’m not trying to scare you- just enlighten you; open your eyes and make you see that some people are one french fry short of a Happy Meal and you have to be cautious and THINK before you speak or act, and consider the consequences! Consider getting out of the sticky web you wove or are weaving and start the new year drama-free!

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

Entire contents of this article with the exception of images and references to outside articles are Copyright Protected by Natasha L. Foreman. paradigmlife.blogspot.com

Photo credits:
Twitter stalker- zazzle.com
Obsessed: ontheflix.com
The Crush- thevine.com.au
Vanilla Sky- ew.com
I’m Not a Stalker- roadkilltshirts.com

>Love Leadership Highlighted on YWTF Blog

>Today my Leadership piece was published on the Younger Women’s Task Force Atlanta (YWTF-ATL) Chapter blog. I highlighted an awesome leadership book that I have blogged about a few times throughout the year here on my personal blog; LOVE LEADERSHIP: A New Way to Lead in a Fear-Based World by John Hope Bryant. Now I’m kicking it up a notch to share my views with other readers outside the “Paradigm Life” realm. 

Read the article and then please post a comment on the YWTF-ATL blog so we can hear your thoughts about the articles, subjects, and themes we discuss weekly. Are there other leadership books that you found helpful, informative, and life-changing? Please share this information with me so I can share with other readers. Also feel free to repost this link to the article: http://ywtfatlanta.blogspot.com/2010/12/leading-through-love-not-iron-fist-of.html on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIN, and other social media websites. I and we appreciate your support!

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com

 

>Fearing What We Want Most Because of Control

>In my honest opinion I think that people fear loving, giving, receiving, sharing, and caring because these are elements that we can't truly and fully control. You can't control how others will respond, you can't control the outcome, and you can't control your feelings and emotions. So what do we do? We hold back. We filter ourselves, we tiptoe around issues and situations. We give only a small fraction of ourselves to others, but oddly enough we give more to those who shouldn't matter, and give less to those who should matter most. We give our time, attention and affection to people who are leaches, and who spend their lives secretly and slowly sucking the life out of others- us included. Yet we neglect the ones who bring added value to our lives.

We applaud the ones who spend their days exclaiming (although trying to act modest), "look what I did", "look who I helped", "look at what I bought", "look at what someone gave me" rather than honoring the person who gives without announcing it to the world, the person who doesn't need to show off like a peacock what they possess or were given. We carry on our backs the victims who spend their waking moments showing off their symbolic 'cross' they have carried since childhood. We tell ourselves, "they need saving, they need us". We merely pat the backs of those who are humble survivors and fighters, who make no excuses and need no "oh woest me" stories to gain sympathy or empathy. They instead get up each day and do their job to the best of their ability. Those are the ones we should be walking beside. Those are the ones we should be soaring with- instead we hang with the scum eaters.

More energy is given to the show-off and to the victim, than the doer and fighter, and this troubles me.

It is more comfortable uplifting someone who spends life taking from others, because in our minds we can control that situation and we can possibly 'fix' and save them. Everyone wants to be a hero, because you think you can control your interaction with the person you're saving. When in reality the more you try to save them the more they need saving- and soon a co-dependent relationship is formed. You need the ego-stroking and cheerleading, and they need the savior. Sounds ridiculously draining to me but I see this scenario regularly.

You would think that people would avoid this type of interaction, but I believe that it is uncomfortable for some of us to build a life with a person who is comfortable rising to the top with you; giving, rather than taking, sharing rather than expecting. We can't control our feelings with this person. They are our hero as much or more than we are theirs- and this scares some of us. We can't control falling into the light of love with them- so we would rather walk in darkness and hope that the pocket-sized flashlight with weakened batteries is enough to help see us through. Instead of living a life that feels effortless, we would rather expend unnecessary energy enabling someone and give to a person who lives with a sense of entitlement but perpetrates as though they are charitable.

We think that it is safer to live in the unknown of potential mania, than the unknown of limitless bliss. Wouldn't you rather embrace the idea of how good something can be, versus the unknown of how devastating something could become? Are we then not drama queens and kings? Are we not setting ourselves up for hurt, embarrassment and failure? Are we not forming cancerous relationships?

How is there comfort in being with someone who has less to lose by being associated with you? Less to lose if scandal splatters upon you? How is there comfort in being with someone who would jump ship, throw you under the bus, and turn their back on you if something bad came your way? How is there comfort in associating with a person who is only around you for what they can get from you and from knowing you? Where is your true span of control in this type of relationship?

The reality is, being with the wrong person, even temporarily, just because we think we can control the circumstances actually leaves us in less control than if we were with the person we're supposed to love, and who truly loves us. If fear is False Evidence Appearing Real then why wouldn't we embrace truth? Why wouldn't we embrace the realness of life, love, joy and happiness? Why wouldn't we want to be super-charged by a shared energy with a person who gives as much or more than we do?

Are you willing to miss being with the person who is your better half because you are a coward? Are you willing to lose the best thing that you may ever have, the person whose love is priceless- for something that can be easily replicated, and quickly bought and sold? You can let go and experience true love, or you can close your eyes and wake up to the nightmare of having your joy stolen from you.

Which option seems to provide you with more control now?

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com

>Natasha’s Quote of the Day 12.20.10

>

A person can only fake being someone they are not for only so long before their true self is revealed. Don’t be fooled with the superficial mask people wear- don’t be enamored with the pretty shell- instead look for their authentic self, it’s not difficult to find if you just look closely.

– Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com 

>Taking on Education with the Younger Women’s Task Force Blog

>Tuesday my piece on education called, "Education Meltdown: Our Future in Peril, was published on the Younger Women's Task Force Atlanta (YWTF-ATL) chapter's blog. This piece discusses where we are as a country in the field of education, our youth drop out rate and its correlation to lower-paying jobs amongst other things; and the future of our country if we do not intervene now.

This is not a situation where you can say, "this doesn't affect me" or "this couldn't happen to my family". We are all in this together and what affects one group of Americans, affects all Americans- one way or another. Here is the link to my article:
http://ywtfatlanta.blogspot.com/2010/12/education-meltdown-our-future-in-peril.html I of course welcome all comments, feedback, and ideas on how we can come together to help rebuild our communities, our educational system, our schools, our reputation, and 'hope' within our children.

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com

>Things That Make You Say "Hmmmm" and "What the…"

>Here's some news that may make you scratch your head:

Cabrini-Green Scheduled for Demolition
Chicago's Cabrini-Green Projects closed down after 68 years and some residents of the notorious housing complex fought the move and said they didn't want to leave.
Cabrini-Green has been known as the most dangerous projects in the nation. The 1970s television show Good Times was based off it, and the opening and closing credits always showed images of Cabrini-Green even though it was taped in a Los Angeles, California studio. I know someone who used to live there- I wonder what he would say if I asked him how he felt about the closing and demolition of the place he and his family couldn't wait to get away from?

Want to read more about the residents who fought the closure, and their comments on the last day the doors remained open? Here you go: http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local-beat/Last-Cabrini-Green-Residents-Move-Out-111591479.html

DRC: Addressing Heinous Human Rights Violations
The Security Council has imposed sanctions including a travel ban and asset freeze on an army colonel in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) on charges of killing and maiming children, recruiting child soldiers, sexual violations and denial of humanitarian access.

Nigeria's Target: Dick Cheney
Nigerian authorities filed charges Tuesday against former US vice president Dick Cheney and others over a bribery scandal allegedly involving energy firm Halliburton; despite the report by Daily Independent the previous day that Washington is unlikely to release him to face trial in Nigeria.

Divorce: Child vs Childless
"According to [the] discovery channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples. Sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause of divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States, at least 66 per cent of all divorced couples are childless." -As reported by website divorcerate.org

No More Hooky From Work
Firms are hiring detectives to verify sick-days of employees. Beware of the sick-day bounty hunters. No more playing hooky. If you get caught you could get in trouble at work, or worse- fired! A private detective, Rick Raymond was reported as saying that 80-85% of the time those who called out sick are actually being dishonest and committing fraud.
Check out the article it's deep:
http://finance.yahoo.com/career-work/article/111529/sick-day-bounty-hunters?mod=career-worklife_balance

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. Some Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com