DV Awareness: Weapon of Choice

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

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The “Weapon of Choice”… VERBAL ABUSE

For Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to share with you this photo shoot that was done to show the effects of verbal abuse. These are the “weapons of choice” for many because the damage is not visible to the naked eye.

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What Would You REALLY do if You Received This Letter?

I have been in this situation before, and I have handled it different ways each time. In my 20s I was less mature, so you can imagine my reaction. As I got older and more mature I learned how to handle things better and skillfully. But what would you do?

I know at this very moment you’re shaking your head and asking the question, “What are you talking about Natasha?” Well read this post and then let me know what you would do if today you received a similar letter.

Source:
http://chumplady.com/2014/10/got-letter/

Copyright 2014. All Rights Reserved.

DV Awareness: Children of Abusive Parents

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

Children of abusive parents…
have so much to overcome.
Including the cycle of abuse…
they need to break away from.
For the cycle of abuse…
continues in many families.
As it becomes normal behavior…
but results in many tragedies.

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Silent Treatment: Weapon of a Classic Narcissist

To further educate all of us on the various types of abuse, I wanted to share one form of abuse that many people may not be aware of—the Silent Treatment. According to Andrea Schneider, LCSW, a person with classic narcissistic tendencies loves to pull out their handy silent treatment weapon to punish you with.

Schneider writes:

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse designed to (1) place the abuser in a position of control; (2) silence the target’s attempts at assertion; (3) avoid conflict resolution/personal responsibility/compromise; or (4) punish the target for a slight against the narcissistic person’s ego. Often, the result of the silent treatment is exactly what the narcissistic person wishes to create: a reaction from the target and a sense of control.

It sounds childish doesn’t it? Well, Schneider goes on to explain that,
“The emotional maturity of a narcissistic person is akin to a 5-year-old child who pouts and refuses to play with his friend in the sandbox because his friend wants to share the pail and shovel. The 5-year-old refuses to talk with his friend and angrily storms off to play on the jungle gym with a different friend. The bewildered child with the pail and shovel feels confused, rejected, and does not understand why her friend can’t share. She just wanted to build a sand castle with him.”

That makes some sense.
So, why does a narcissist behave this way?

Great question. “A narcissistic person develops a false sense of control in the relationship because no further communication can ensue unless and until the narcissistic person decides to give the target another chance. However, often the narcissistic person will demand that the target apologize for whatever inflated transgression the target may have committed (often, the target had set a limit or asserted a boundary against the narcissistic person’s emotional abuse), wrote Schneider.

So what are the characteristics of a typical target? What makes the narcissist flip out on this person?

When I read what Schneider describes as the typical target of silent treatment abuse, I had to read it twice because it isn’t what I expected, but it explains a great deal. Schneider describes the target as a person “who may possess high emotional intelligence, empathy, conflict-resolution skills, and the ability to compromise, may work diligently to respond to the deafening silence. He or she may frequently reach out to the narcissistic person via email, phone, or text to resolve the greatly inflated misunderstanding, and is typically met with continued disdain, contempt, and silence.

How far will a narcissist go with giving someone the silent treatment as a form of punishment?

Are you ready to be amazed? When I read this article my mouth dropped open, because I immediately thought of about eight narcissists that I know or have known in the past, and they all have done exactly what Schneider shared below:

Sometimes a narcissistic person will decide to abandon and discard the relationship when he or she senses that his/her partner might be presenting an ultimatum or an attempt at resolution requiring the narcissistic person to compromise. The narcissistic person would rather end the relationship and start over than be in a position of potential abandonment by his or her significant other. The 5-year-old storms off and plays with a new, innocent target on the swing set. It is too much work to share the pail and shovel.

What can you do if you are on the receiving end of this abuse? Read the rest of Schneider’s article here.

If you are the narcissist, or think that this behavior describes you and your antics, what can you do?

Stop behaving like a five-year-old, go to a therapist or psychiatrist, and get some real professional counseling!

Source:
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/silent-treatment-a-narcissistic-persons-preferred-weapon-0602145

Copyright 2014. Natasha Foreman Bryant. The Paradigm Life. All Rights Reserved.

Signs of Redlining Back in Metro Atlanta?

David Pendered (Saporta Report) recently wrote that, “Signs of the discriminatory lending practice called redlining have reemerged in metro Atlanta, according to a new analysis of home sale prices.”

Pendered cites a study by Georgia Tech Professor Dan Immergluck, where Immergluck quantifies the in his report an uneven rebound of housing prices in metro Atlanta. It’s part of his research into issues including housing and real estate markets, mortgage finance, and fair lending. His most recent book was reissued in 2011: “Foreclosed: High-Risk Lending, Deregulation, and the Undermining of America’s Mortgage Market.”

According to the report, the areas where home prices have rebounded most and best are in predominately white and comparatively affluent neighborhoods. The affluent neighborhoods aren’t dependent upon mortgage markets, as most markets of $800,000 and more have always faired fine, and always will regardless of regulations.

Prices should have come back more evenly,” Immergluck said. “The demographics of the city are not that different from 2001. We shouldn’t have half as many mortgages [in some demographics] as we did then. That’s what is keeping the prices down in these neighborhoods.

So what’s the issue causing this unevenness?

Immergluck believes that it is the process of redlining based on a concern over credit quality. Whites historically have better credit scores than non-whites (for a slew of reasons we will discuss in another post). So recovery for whites has been greater than non-whites, and as a result there have been less home loans extended to non-whites.

Pendered wrote that, “In addition to determining the uneven nature of price recovery, the report confirmed that the greatest collapse in home prices occurred in predominately non-white areas – especially in some communities where speculators bought homes and flipped them for significant profits. Mortgage fraud was rampant in some of these areas.

To learn more about redlining and this report, read here

Source:
Saporta Report.
http://saportareport.com/blog/2014/10/signs-of-redlining-uncovered-by-new-study-into-spotty-recovery-of-home-prices/#sthash.cQyAY0Yq.dpuf

Copyright 2014. Natasha Foreman Bryant. The Paradigm Life. All Rights Reserved.

Americans More Concerned About Dissatisfaction With Economy and Government Than Ebola

What do you think are the top ten issues facing our country?

According to Gallup:

One in 20 Americans now cite Ebola (5%) as one of the most important problems facing the country, placing it among the top 10 concerns, but not the highest. The economy (17%) and dissatisfaction with government (16%) still lead.

Read more here.

Source:
http://www.gallup.com/poll/178742/ebola-debuts-americans-list-top-problems.aspx?utm_source=alert&utm_medium=email&utm_content=morelink&utm_campaign=syndication

Copyright 2014. Natasha Foreman Bryant. The Paradigm Life. All Rights Reserved.

Hail Mary – 2 Decades After The Million Man March

The Neighborhood

Knowledge is power.
Information is liberating. 
Education is the premise of progress,
in every society, in every family.
– Kofi Annan, former Secretary General,
United Nations

Hail Mary 2 Decades After the Million Man March October 16, 1995 Capitol Mall, Washington DC Million Man March

“What’s the next move ? Since then a new generation has grown up,they need directions. Where have all the men gone?”  –  Question posted by a Facebook reader under a post via The Grio with the above photo captioned On this Day in History

I boarded the flight in Kingston, Jamaica and six hours later touched down in my nation’s capitol, Washington D.C.  Once into the fairways, the noticeable difference was instant, and if a person did not know, they would have been inclined to ask if something was going on. It was not just the overwhelming presence of African American men, nor was it simply the feeling that I was about to be a part…

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