Read this post and let it settle in. Reflect and consider what hurt and anger you are not releasing and forgiving—for YOU! The poem at the end of this post is equally beautiful.
Read this post and let it settle in. Reflect and consider what hurt and anger you are not releasing and forgiving—for YOU! The poem at the end of this post is equally beautiful.
Last week a telling story about body image and self-esteem was shared on my other site, that I feel should be shared here.
How many of you struggle with and cringe at what you see when you look into the mirror?
Whether it’s weight-related, age-related, health-related, or tied to your wallet’s inability to cover the costs of dentistry, eyewear, or a more flattering hairstyle—many of us don’t love without condition or judgment what we see in the mirror.
Read this post and then share your thoughts and opinions below.
You know if this is you. Break the cycle. I don’t think a mug can hold more than six years of procrastination–well at least not with the same sized font 😂
I’ve been divorced for 9 months.
Most of you are shocked to read those words. But they are true no matter how many times you re-read them.
This message has been sitting as a draft on my phone for six months. I wasn’t ready to share this at that time. I thought I could three months ago, but I still wasn’t ready. I made the decision that I would share in December. Symbolic for many reasons. Year-end, holiday cheer, families together, and because I hoped that this December would feel and be better than last year.
So today I share the life-altering news with all of you—family, friends, associates, students, and strangers.
No, I will not share details.
I didn’t share intimate details of our courtship, engagement, wedding, and married life. I didn’t even rush to let people know I was dating, engaged, or married. That’s because I value and wanted privacy. I wanted to protect my man, my life, and what we had together. I didn’t want a bunch of folks all in our “mix” because I know that there are twice as many people hating on you than loving you. So I did my best to protect one of the most valuable relationships I had second to my relationship with God.
You got a highlight reel of my life. So guess what?
I won’t be sharing details about how we got to this point. Because plain and simply, it’s my life, and I value and want privacy.
No, I won’t feed your need to gossip at my expense. Even though some of you will most likely materialize your own content to feed upon. *smile*
We do like “tea” don’t we?
You can ponder and speculate but the end result will remain the same…
What once was is no longer.
I’m only making this statement because I’m frequently receiving emails and comments on my websites, messages through social media, and being approached in public by people who joyfully praise me, him, and us. People make comments about “#MarriageGoals” and I slightly cringe because they haven’t a clue.
Countless times this year I’ve spoken with people who have expressed a level of pride from looking at my marriage, the image that was publicly portrayed and lived, and seeing us over the years at various events. I’ve had people contact me to let me know that they pray for our marriage and the work that we do in the community. I couldn’t bring myself to tell these strangers, “thanks but he’s my ex husband now”. So I always find discreet ways to thank them for their kind and loving words and prayers, and then I leave the rest alone.
I’ve discreetly removed myself from so much but clearly it hasn’t been enough. My absence hasn’t made clear my current status, it’s only made me less visible. People assume they don’t see me somewhere because I’m busy.
There’s so much content of us online that all online searches express and imply the same “message”–that we’re still this visionary powerhouse couple. When the truth is, we used to be but now we are merely two visionary, powerhouse individuals focused on our own separate missions. We are on separate paths. We are no longer a couple. There is no “we”. We can’t erase or rewrite our past, and why would we? It was ours and we lived it boldly and I have no regrets. At the same time we must move forward to what is now the present.
I will not clarify what is most clear. The first sentence of this post can’t get any clearer.
Many who know us personally, professionally, or indirectly through our very public work are or will be shocked by this admission. But just as everything else in life, this too you will get over, get past, and it will soon become a distant memory that resurfaces in random moments and even more random online searches.
But your life will go on, move forward, unscathed, uninterrupted, unbothered—and for those and other more important reasons, I ask that you refrain from further inquiry. There’s no need to dig for what is already at surface level.
If you know me and didn’t already know this big shocker then you should be able to answer your own question as to why you didn’t know my reality months ago.
No offense. I’m good. Really I am. I’m strong. I’ve “got this”—well, God has this and I’m rolling with Him.
Thank you. I love you.
All I want and need right now is peace and the clear space to hear and act on what God is calling me to move forward on. I want to be free to embrace the opportunities that come my way. God has huge things planned for me and I can’t waste His time or mine, because He’s not giving me forever to get these things accomplished.
Please respect me, respect my former husband, respect what once was, and respect what God has planned for our individual and separate futures. Our union is no longer. A seven-year history has ended. Lessons learned, experiences shared, milestones reached, and excellence attained. We built some amazing ideas into real masterpieces.
I’m honored to have served in many roles through Operation HOPE. I’m proud of the work I accomplished, the tireless commitment and sacrifice to seeing an idea become a reality with HOPE Business In A Box, my 7 years as a HOPE Corp volunteer sharing Banking on Our Future with students all over, and my life will forever be changed by the lives that I encountered and embraced over 7 amazing years. Being away from both programs, away from the students and the pitch competitions feels awkward, abnormal, and like a huge void. But I will just have to find a new “home” to connect with, serve, and share my gifts.
I’m glad that my advice and suggestions have led to the start of other programs, technologies, organizational practices, social groups, and organizations over the past few years. No one and nothing can change that. It was, it is, and it forever will be a part of my legacy and the legacy of this great organization and those affiliates that have launched in the past two years. May they all thrive and be successful. I’ve done what I was supposed to and I’m grateful for the opportunity.
If you’re a supporter of the work then increase your level of support, there’s a global mission to fulfill. If you’re not a supporter then consider being one. Support their efforts—or support another organization’s efforts, just do something. Don’t just be a spectator, be a positive change agent.
My job there is done. Sooner than I thought. I wanted to do so much more. But that’s an “oh well”. The season is over and it’s time to move forward.
Now it’s time to end one chapter and begin a new one. Well I’ve already started on my new chapter, I’m just telling you so that you can catch up (*smile*). You can’t keep holding on to the page of this book trying to re-read the sentences, and I won’t entertain you as you attempt to stall. The story doesn’t just pause or remain in your fragmented happy-limbo state simply because you don’t move forward. It’s time to turn the page….
As the saying goes, “people are in your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime” and the latter just wasn’t in the cards for us. The “reason” for me was and is clear—to see and feel the possibility of giving, sharing, supporting, and believing in someone else as much and in many ways more than myself. I supported the man and his mission while focused on my own. I made it “look easy” (as some have said) because it wasn’t “work” in my mind, for me I was doing my part as a partner, I was doing what it took to help a man fulfill his mission.
Was I perfect and flawless? Heck no. I’m imperfect and have numerous flaws. I did the best I could with the resources that I had. Could’ve done more. Could’ve said more. But coulda, shoulda, woulda doesn’t matter.
For seven years I loved and sacrificed for a man, and I have absolutely no regrets. I was blessed to love so deeply and for as long as I did. If I couldn’t say that, then I would have to question a great deal about myself and my relationship. I put my trust in God and He never fails me. My hurt and disappointment will be temporary because what I have with God is eternal. I keep my eyes, ears, and heart tuned into His station.
For me, my marriage was the commitment to be selfless and to dive in with both feet, dedicated to fulfilling my vows in all ways. I’ve grown tremendously, learned a great deal, and seen (and felt) the joy of giving myself to another while pushing and praying for that person so that they might reach every goal and overcome every obstacle. I did all that I could to protect him, the organization, and the mission.
Marriage is a wonderful union and commitment. I will always honor what it means to be married and to be a wife—both in the spiritual and literal sense.
My ex-husband taught me a lot about life, business, entrepreneurship, perseverance, overcoming adversity, facing fears, the value of building relationships not just networking, having the courage to try anything at least once and to ask for what you want in business—as he always says, “you walked in with a “no” it’s your goal to turn that “no” to a “yes”, if you don’t then it doesn’t matter, you had “no” coming in….”. Those are wise words that I recite when I need a pep talk.
I will take some of the lessons that I learned from observing, listening, and being guided by him, and I will build upon them as I climb to goals yet achieved. I will reattempt things that I failed at, like scuba diving (my deep sea experience was too much for a beginner) and getting back on a scooter (after falling and getting second degree burns from the motor—two weeks before our wedding).
I’m focused on being a better person, servant, woman, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, educator, and entrepreneur. I’m focused on preparing myself as a mother and maybe one day, even a wife again—well, the latter isn’t my focus, but as the saying goes, “never say never” and since I’ve been wrong about my “never’s” before, I will let God guide me.
Let me stop you now—no, I’m not in a relationship. I’m taking this time to focus on healing, praying, and getting stronger spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It would be unfair of me to subject a new person to my post-divorce life. I still have “muscle memory” of living with and sharing life with one man for seven years. I can’t just abruptly jump into a new relationship as though I’m healed, good, and ready to move into something with a new person. That would mean that I didn’t value my marriage and my role in it. That would mean that I had and have no feelings for him and for what we shared and built together. That would be a lie.
It would be cruel and disrespectful to subject someone to that space in my life, when I need to be open and free to give myself without reservations. I’ve grown accustomed to a routine with one person for seven years. That’s not easy to unwind and realign. I’m in no rush.
I need to feel and experience all that God needs me to realize, so that I can embrace, learn, and grow into the well-rounded woman He needs me to be. I can’t be the woman that a new man needs if I’m still wired to what my last man needed. And a new man shouldn’t be compared and contrasted to my last one. I need time and space for a clean slate—or as clean as can be expected.
I’ve spent this year working on me and learning what I want and don’t want, and what I need and don’t need in both my personal and professional lives. I have to work through and push past some fears and doubts. I have to walk the walk as it relates to my faith in God. If I say I know He has me, then I have to walk with my head up and eyes focused with the confidence in knowing that God has already taken care of my needs—He’s just waiting on me to catch up.
All that I want for Christmas is to be surrounded by my family and the peace that comes from knowing “all will be well because I walk with the Lord”. I asked my family for onesie pajamas and a $40 Atari classic game set. I’ve never been about the big, pricey gifts. I’m sentimental, so what is “small” to you is huge to me.
Some of you may be shocked to read this. Shouldn’t I be bitter and enraged? No, not at all. God is constantly blessing me and how ungrateful would I be to wallow in anger and misery when He has blessed me even through this transition. I’m saddened to see a relationship that I valued greatly come to an end—I planned to grow old with this man, and die loving and committed to him— but I know that God has other plans and He has never left or forsaken me. I’m not being punished. I’m being molded, strengthened, focused, and prepared by God. I accept what has happened because I know that if God intended for it to be it would still be.
So although I’m no longer married I am not broken. I am not alone or lonely. God has me in His Hands. I’m surrounded by family and my true friends. My cup runneth over. That brings me absolute joy!
It’s difficult to balance a private-public life and I’ve done a pretty good job with it for several years. I yearn to continue maintaining a semblance of privacy as I look forward on the path God has placed before me. It’s already difficult to remain focused with life’s distractions, I don’t need anything extra coming my way through rumors, declarations, or inquiries. Of course you will see my highlight reels, but the full and complete story of my life is reserved exclusively for me.
Just consider if you were me–try walking in my shoes for a moment and consider how you would want to be treated, and then please try your best to walk, act, and speak accordingly.
Please don’t attempt to be a Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys new-age sleuth intrigued by missing puzzle pieces. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out the how, who, when, why, and where. You won’t have time to focus on your own life. Just let us move on with dignity. Please.
Thank you to those of you who have prayed with and for me, been supportive, a shoulder and a sounding board, wiping my tears and holding my hand, and never wavering a moment as my truest of friends. Thank you for never altering your relationship with me, but remaining the same as you have always been. Solid and true to your word. I love, value, and respect you.
Now let’s all get up, get out, and do what God has called us to do!
May He bless each of us abundantly and I pray that we are prepared and ready to embrace those blessings. May your year end better than it started, and may your New Year be better than this year. I know mine will be!
Warmest wishes and deepest respect,
Today is my mother’s birthday and I wanted to make sure that I shared this day with the world. My mom is my mother, friend, confidante, supporter, protector, provider, nurturer, and so much more. She was my first teacher. I was blessed to hear her heartbeat and voice from within her womb. I am the woman I am partly because of the woman who is my mom. I can’t imagine my life with another woman as my mother.
She taught me how to read at the age of two. She taught me how to dance. She encouraged me to get a little dirty outside in the yard. She taught me how to cook. She taught me how to use my critical thinking skills. She exposed me to that wonderful creative brain of hers and opened my eyes to all of the wondrous things that I could one day create.
My mom has taught me to seek and find the silver lining in all of life’s clouds. She also taught me the gift of giving. It is because of her I started volunteering in my community as a child. It is because of her that I continue to volunteer and give back to communities all over.
I thank God every single day for blessing me with an amazing mother, teacher, and friend. Here’s to many many many more days and years celebrating and being thankful for this beautiful woman.
Happy birthday mom. I’ve loved you from the moment I was conceived and I will love you forever.
Love Your “Fish”,
This could not be said any plainer than what this military veteran, husband, father, friend and neighbor said yesterday:
Sean’s Thought: (for the record its long and many won’t like it) It is amazing how easily people subscribe to slave mentality. How we as a country open the closets and dust off the old US vs THEM wardrobes.
Yesterday I watched my FB and other social media platform blowup at all these disrespectful, whiny, rich, spoiled, ignorant, stupid, overpaid asshats and son of bitches who should be fired. I watched people use their military service as a reason and pictures of fallen men and women in service as flags of proof and honor. I watched people tell about how long they have been fans of the brand and how they (and their families) will never watch again.
How dare the NFL not make these players stand up, look straight and salute the flag?
Very interesting thought that is and it got me thinking what was really being said yesterday from almost an exclusive group of people with a few exceptions (I just saw a video of black man going off about these Democratic idiot asshats who got Trumped). That guy will be popular on both sides I’m sure. Anyway back to my thought.
What were we really saying with all this chatter yesterday? I’m glad you asked.
Black athlete you are paid to play a sport. We want you to simply play that sport. You get paid lots of money to run around, bang against each other, flex your muscles, jump around and entertain us. We don’t want your opinion we want your physical ability. Run fool. Jump. Catch the ball. Don’t worry as long as you are good (and quiet) we will support you. We will buy your jerseys and shout your name. Don’t worry you won’t get paid for those anyway but hey it is an honor for you to perform for us, the paying public.
OK, hold on for a second that sounds a lot like something I heard in history class many years ago. Let me think for a second.
The owners need to keep their players in line. Players need to be appreciative of what we have given them. They are lucky to have these jobs and we can find more who will do it with respect. Owners should fire them if they do not perform to the way we expect. What would they (these Black players) be doing if it wasn’t for what the owners gave them?
I know what it is it is the slavery mentality. Now, I know some of you just cringed a lot unfortunately you should of cringed at the choice of taking that mentality. Lets look at what was really going on yesterday without the rhetoric.
NFL players took a knee during the national anthem (a MLB player did as well), NFL players locked arms in solidarity and some stayed in the locker room during the anthem (which was common practice until 2009 when the government paid the NFL to shuffle out them players to stand and salute for military recruitment but eh thats small potatoes).
Correct me if I am wrong but not one player put a middle finger up during the anthem. Not one player told the military members in the audience that they hated them and they hated this country. Not one player spewed hate towards law enforcement or the establishment outside of many having a problem with our Commander and Chief lashing out at all those BLACK ATHLETES.
Those players both black and white protested what is still, shockingly, a huge problem in this country which is, in this case, racial inequality within the judicial system. You don’t have to agree with those players but you do have to agree with one thing. They staged a peaceful demonstration which is their RIGHT.
Yes, they have the RIGHT as AMERICAN CITIZENS no matter how much they make, no matter what their jobs are, no matter if they are poor and homeless or filthy rich living in a sky palace above some state. They have the right and I FOUGHT for it.
Yes, as a veteran, since everyone wants to use that as the reason they hate all this, I fought for every Americans Constitutional Rights. I stand for the Anthem because I did fight for those rights. I did have brothers and sisters killed in wars that made other people rich while leaving many of those very brothers and sisters forever wounded both physically and mentally depending on a system (The VA) that is so flawed I have yet to file my claim 2 years after I retired.
Where is the outrage by the way? OH yea it isn’t a bunch of rich black spoiled idiots so who gives a damn about that VA system.
I served so that the Nazi’s could have their lawful rally (provided they got the permit to do so) without them fearing physical attack. Yes, people have the right to counter-protest they don’t have the right to attack them physically no matter how much they may hate the speech. I served so that some white confederate flag waving kid could walk into a black church execute 9 people and still get a fair trail as dictated by our laws.
I served so that a police officer would have to answer for his/her actions when it comes to the death of another person under his/her care no matter the race of the officer or the person. I served for some guy to overuse his 2nd amendment right and carry a damn AK47 on his shoulder because the laws in the state he is in says it is within his/her right. Equality is our right. EVERYONE’s RIGHT.
It truly breaks my heart to see people not even try to understand the why. Why are so many people of a demographic, a race, a sexual orientation so upset. What can we do as a nation to right a wrong?
We live in a country where the son of a rich man can be convicted of rape and given 6 months of probation. While someone without the means for expensive counsel would get 30 years for the same crime.
We live in a country where it is OK to tell blacks to “get out” and “go back to Africa” but it isn’t OK for those same blacks to protest the injustices laid against them.
We live in a country where we will force deport people, break up their families and destroy lives because they are Mexican but have no problem with bringing in foreign athletes who defect from their countries simply because they can play ball. I could go on forever but that isn’t needed.
The point is this, maybe you don’t like that these men (not son’s of bitches) are using their respective platforms to force us to do what we are doing now. Start the conversations, challenge the system and make us deal with this bullshit underline racial divide. They use their platfom for those who don’t have the money or the ability to do so.
If you dislike that then I guess you will no longer be supporting JJ Watt who used his platform to raise of 40 million (I think) dollars for Houston relief. That would be stupid of us to not support just like it is stupid of us to think that Americans should shut up and color because the government (this case the President) has stepped in and told them to sit, shut up and dance.
No, that is not America. That is not what I fought for and that is not what I will stand quietly by and watch.
In the end, sports is business and a business will succeed or fail. But as long as their are people there will always be a need to watch men and women compete. Don’t fool yourselves. As many of the players have learned to do isn’t it time we stood in unity for equality than this nonsense of telling people they don’t have the right to do something that they in fact have the right to do.
Make American Great! Not Again, because looking back it wasn’t great for everyone which means it wasn’t great. Anyway, just a thought.
Thank you Sean for your service, bravery, and willingness to say what was and is needed. Our country needs to heal.
We need to learn the lesson and vow to never repeat it, just as Germany courageously has done.
A country divided will never thrive. A county divided should not fear destruction from the efforts of outsiders. It will be our on undoing, from within!
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Tad Blake-Weber, CS // Practitioner of Christian Science
Leave a cheater, gain a life
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