Bad Girls, More Like Hurt Girls: Woman Up!

By Natasha Foreman Bryant
 
 
 I admit that around 2006-2007 I watched the earlier seasons of the Bad Girls Club. I wanted to know what Oxygen was bringing to the table, so-to-speak, and what made these young females so “Bad”. I soon discovered that droves of females claiming to be real women, were lining up to join this show to prove how devious, violent, ruthless, and spiteful they were. They wanted to prove to themselves that they were the hottest, sexiest female on the show, and the one who could curse the most and the loudest, while pretending that they really wanted to fight one or more of the other cast members.
 
 Yeah I got bored of it quickly because I know that the women who aren’t to be messed with don’t go around advertising it for the world, or tooting their own horn. They just confidently sit back and relax.
 
 Little girls throw temper tantrums, play childish games, and do petty things. This is what I saw on the Bad Girls Club, and this is what I saw when I decided to check on the show the other day (now in it’s 11th season). It’s disappointing to see these girls, obviously in pain, obviously battling some childhood or early adulthood trauma, taking out their pain and frustration on others.
 
 Someone let them down early on in their life. Someone didn’t give them a healthy dose of love, attention, affection, and structure growing up. Someone didn’t teach them how to be ladies and mature women. Maybe there are daddy issues, mommy issues, or both. Whatever the problem it runs deep, and when not properly redirected, hurt people will ultimately hurt people.
 
 I always wonder if the cast members from all eleven seasons look back at the episodes they starred in and really reflect upon how they were portrayed, how they acted, and the image that they have left in the minds of their viewers—and the young girls that I’m sure tune in regularly.
 
 The episode that I have shared at the end of this post is a small reflection of what Bad Girls Club has recycled and evolved into after 11 seasons. I tell those so-called “bad girls” and those who walk around thinking they are “bad” to woman up! Your attitude and false image won’t get you far in life. The high you feel tearing others down will still leave you feeling lonely when the cameras aren’t on you, or when your entourage isn’t hanging around egging you on.
 
 [ http://www.hulu.com/watch/539096%5D
 
 
 Copyright 2013. Natasha Foreman Bryant. All Rights Reserved.
 
 
 
 

A Call to Action for All Men: Part Two

By Natasha Foreman Bryant, MBA
 
 Part one of this series was a call to action for the men in the world to stand up, speak out, and to be proactive in our communities. Today I continue my plea. Today I go even deeper and broader.
 
 I want to see more positive male role models showing young girls and ladies what a man and father is all about and that although these females may not have a real father in their life, they should not go through life looking for one in every male they encounter, nor should they lower themselves to fighting over men or plotting and planning to take one from another woman.
 
 I want to see these male role models speak up and tell women that “he who findeth a wife finds a good thing” and that a real man will find them and will do right by them, encourage them as they grow in their career, and will marry them first and not rush to turn them into a “baby mama”. I also want these men to shed light on the labels of “baby mama” and “baby daddy”, and that a woman should not want to be labeled as such or be in a position to have a man not worthy to be called the father of her children, or her husband.
 
 I want to hear from the men as they explain to young girls and women that their value is not between their legs, but rather within their brains, and that it is a rare man who is interested in marrying and staying in a committed, monogamous, and healthy marriage with a woman who spreads her legs like an eagle or frog for almost every passerby. I want men to stand up and let females know that the only man interested in a “loose” woman is not a man, but he is rather a snake who is pimping not only her but others for their “goodies”, and once he is done with her he will move on to the next and the next, and the next.
 
 Young ladies need to know that they don’t need to fight for, manipulate, trick, or set up a man. A good man, a decent man, a man qualified to be a husband, will seek them out and they will complement each other. I want to see the men stand up and tell these young ladies that trying to get pregnant to keep a man will only make their lives a living hell, and increase the probability of their children growing resentful of one or both parents.
 
 I want to see men stand up and let these young girls and women know that the words “I love you” are used casually as well as manipulatively to gain power over another person, and the truest sign of someone’s love is when they don’t ever make you feel desperate, weak, vulnerable, less than, second to, dependent, alone, lonely, ugly, stupid, trapped, incompetent, worthless, or like a body part.
 
 When a man gives a woman the space to grow, learn, experience life, take on challenges, chase your dreams, set and achieve goals, pursue and complete your education, follow your passions, work for the job and career you desire, start your own business, have a social life outside of him, spend time with friends and family, live interdependently—-that is love. The same is true when a woman provides that environment for her man. That is what I want to hear men share with these young ladies.
 
 I’m asking the men to stand up and keep telling these young males to pull up their pants, dress with respect and dignity like they want a career and have aspirations beyond living for today. Tell these young ladies to dress with class and not like prostitutes. I’m asking for the men to stand up and tell both boys and men to stop calling women bitches and hoes, chicken heads, side chicks, side pieces, and other disrespectful (and belittling names). I also need you to stand up and tell the females to stop answering to and calling each other these same names, and to stop disrespecting men by calling them out of their names. Females need to stop tearing down, beating down, and psychologically castrating men—a man can’t lead if he’s been kicked down. Let them know this. Explain this to them. Help them to see what you see.
 
 Men I need you to stand up, stand up, stand up, and get to work. Don’t close your eyes or turn your head, get to work. We have a world to save!
 
 If you are serious and ready to commit to turning our communities around for the better, in addition to your active pursuit of change, take part in the Clinton Global Initiative Commitment to Action through Operation HOPE’s Project 5117 by visiting http://operationhope.org/join5117 and select one of the options, or click “Other” and type in your specific commitment to saving our youth.
 
 
 ~Natasha Foreman Bryant
 
 
 
 Link to A Call to Action for Men: Part One: http://natashaforeman.com/2013/12/12/a-call-to-action-for-all-men-part-one/
 
 Copyright 2013. Natasha Foreman Bryant. All Rights Reserved.
 
 
 

Quote of the day: Role Models

If you don’t want to be considered a role model then don’t do anything worthwhile or significant in your life!

Kids model what they see. If you’re successful or perceived to be successful then they will try to replicate what you are doing in order to achieve that same level of success, or greater.

Just as we (adults) did the same thing growing up. We modeled people that we believed made it to the top, or made it to a level that we wanted to achieve.

That my friends is a role model. There’s no getting around it except to not excel in any area of your life that brings any significant attention to yourself.
How many of you truly have been aiming that low throughout your life?

So stop saying, “I’m not a role model,” and instead start living your life knowing that everything you say and do is being closely watched by an impressionable young person, who one day will want to be just like you—good, bad, ugly, or indifferent!

-Natasha L. Foreman