Don’t Try to Impose Your Values, Beliefs, and Ideals Onto Others…and Please Leave Scrooge Alone!

This holiday season please consider giving pause to your need to fill in the blanks, to make things right, to force others to be spirited and joyful. For other people this isn’t the season to be jolly, and they don’t want to fake it to make you feel better. 

Just because you are feeling good, great, alive, and blessed–doesn’t mean they are. Yet you’re trying to force them to feel about their life and about themselves what you feel about yours. You’re imposing, encroaching, and pushing yourself onto them. 

Stop it!

They want to be miserable. Let them. God gives them free will, so why won’t you let them be as they want?


We feel uncomfortable with the Scrooges in our life. We feel uncomfortable when they want to twist and turn in chaos and wallow in darkness. We feel uncomfortable with their grumpiness and outbursts. We feel uncomfortable with how petty and childish they are acting. We can’t believe that they can’t see their blessings. We feel their negativity and we want instant change because it’s draining us. We try to counter it with an added dose of high energy, laughter and the like. And they come back with a whopper of dread. 

Rather than spend valuable energy and time trying to change their thinking and behavior, just change your location. Exit stage left and go about your business. 


We have a tendency to want to pour our views, values, beliefs, and ideals into others. We want people to see, think, behave, and feel the same way we do. 

Honestly, it’s selfish. 

Even if the intent is to bring harmony, it’s selfish of us to try to manipulate, persuade, or force someone to join us in that harmony. 

Some people need to wallow in self-pity to eventually see their foolishness. 

Some people need to give you silent treatments so that they too must walk around in silence–alone with their thoughts, alone with their Creator. Which is more torturous for them than actually speaking to you, but they don’t see that. 

Of course they don’t realize it when they are doing it, and sometimes they don’t even realize it after they have finished. But sometimes isolation is the best environment for purging old ways. Sometimes giving people exactly what they ask for is exactly what they need to see that what they wanted wasn’t what they actually thought it was cracked up to be. Sometimes you need to let people see the whole picture, rather than constantly trying to paint a different picture because it makes you feel uncomfortable. 

In alcohol and drug treatment programs they make a point of telling loved ones of addicts that until that addict hits rock bottom, he or she may not stop their reckless behavior. 

Why is that? 

It’s simple. An addict with enabling family and friends uses those people as a crutch to continue their recklessness. If the people around you do and say whatever it takes to keep you pleased, to cause no ripples in the water, then they are enabling the addiction and weakening the addict. 

Ironically, this too becomes an addiction. 

The enabling becomes an addiction that the addict craves. It is the one-two punch that they need each day. They have their drug and they have the support of those who either supply or contribute to the purchase of the drug. They will lie, cheat, steal, and some will even kill to feed their addiction. They will turn on you and try to get others to turn on you, and you on them—all with the ultimate goal of getting an addiction fed. When everyone participates in this grand scheme, it enables the addiction and feeds the addict. The addict wins and the rest of you lose. Big time!

When does the enabling stop? When family and friends say, “if you want to wallow in this cesspool, do it alone, but I’m not going to play a role in your foolishness” and then they exit stage left.

You have to stop trying to make people see, feel, hear, think, and believe what you do. If they are closed off, let them be. If their dysfunction makes you feel uncomfortable, then exit stage left. Because if you don’t, they will drag you into their misery. They will work feverishly to turn your light into darkness, your joy into pain. They will work tirelessly to make you feel as isolated and miserable as they do. They will impose upon you so that you can see how they truly feel about themselves. 

If they don’t believe in God, but you do, then just silently pray for them and walk away. If they do believe in God, but you don’t, then just silently walk away and cross your fingers they aren’t cursing you. Now smile. You giggled didn’t you? Good. You do have a sense of humor. You will need it to get through some of the quirkiest moments in life. I eventually find humor in even the darkest moments of my life. A chuckle turns into a laugh, and before I know it I’m bent over at the waist laughing hysterically. That’s because I refuse to be consumed by darkness. I refuse to wallow in misery and hang around miserable people. They can come to the light but I’m not entering their dungeon. 

So my fellow humans, I ask that starting today you simply focus on smiling and laughing, singing and dancing, rejoicing and praising—and doing all of this without trying to force Mr./Ms. Scrooge to join you. 

Let the “ghosts” of the past, present, and future do what they do best. Either Scrooge will come around or they won’t. But it’s not up to you to control their destiny, to alter their course, or to make them do anything. You’re here to live your life, not theirs. Don’t feed their addiction and don’t create your own. Be at peace with your peace, and don’t let anyone or anything steal your joy!

With love,

~Natasha 

Choices: Violence or Nonviolence

By Natasha Foreman Bryant, MBA
 
 Every day we must make a conscious decision to either be violent or nonviolent. We choose to “go off” on someone verbally or physically. We choose to have road rage. We choose to allow that road rage to escalate to physical violence.
 
 We choose to load the bullets, draw the gun and pull the trigger. We choose to swing that bat or 2×4 at someone’s body or property. We choose to strike that match or land that punch. We choose to throw that rock. We choose to kick someone while they are down. We choose to stab someone.
 
 We choose to join a group of people to jump one or more other people. We choose to riot. We choose to destroy private and public property. We choose to give in to our insecurities. We choose to live with rage.
 
 We choose!
 
 We can also choose to walk away and calm down. We can choose to apologize and try to make amends. We can choose to squash conflict, that “beef” we have with someone, and just let bygones be bygones. We can choose peace. We can choose freedom over jail or death.
 
 We choose!
 
 
 What choices will you make?
 
 
 
 Copyright 2014. Natasha Foreman Bryant. All Rights Reserved.
 
 
 

Natasha’s Quote of the Day: Devil’s Advocate 4.23.12

“No longer will I play the ‘devil’s advocate’ in any situation. Why on Earth, in Heaven or even in hell would I want to advocate for the enemy, think or speak like the enemy, or do something that the enemy would want me to do? I am a servant and ambassador for God, period. I serve no other role. I will think and speak no other way. I will do no other thing. I am an advocate for love, peace, joy, happiness, kindness, strength, grace, patience, forgiveness, dignity, truth, and the Light within. All of that negative stuff, the enemy can keep.” – Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2012. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

Natasha’s Inspirational Quote of The Day 1.4.11

“Be a blessing today. Even a smile and ‘hello’ can be just what someone needs to start or end their day in a positive way.”
-Natasha L. Foreman

Natasha’s Thought of the Day 12.20.11

Life is like giving birth. We sometimes have the most excruciating pain that we could ever imagine, and we’re not sure if we will make it through– but then after it’s done we have peace, joy, and a gift–whether it be wisdom or something tangible, or both. We must remember that even the worst experiences are only temporal. So take life head on, face your fears, and fight your best fight ever!     – Natasha L. Foreman                                              

 

 

Copyright 2011. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved

Forgiveness is for the Forgiver More Than for the Forgiven

By Natasha L. Foreman, MBA

I have had the opportunity recently to forgive some people in my life who wronged me over the years. I had forgiven them already, but I guess for them, it was necessary to ask…and in some cases, this was not the first request. In all relationships- business and personal I believe that when we part ways, even on bad terms, you should still forgive the person that you believe wronged you. It’s not so much for them as it is for you. This is your opportunity to leave the past in the past, release the weight you have been carrying around on your shoulders and in your heart, and free yourself from the venom inside that causes you to roll your eyes and suck your teeth every time you think of them.

So a few years ago I walked away from a personal relationship. I had forgiven that person for misleading me, betraying me, and mistreating me. I forgave that person for not treating me with the respect that I deserved- that I had given him. He thought money and gifts were good enough, and they would make me overlook his indiscretions in our relationship. He thought that material possessions and a ‘status’ and ‘title’ excused his behavior and treatment of me. He thought that telling me lies and misleading me were excusable offenses because he was, “a man” and “men will be men”, and some other nonsense.

He forgot he was playing games with a child of God. He also forgot my clear declaration that I shared with him, and every man before and after him…”Be honest and upfront. If you want to see other people then let’s just casually date, so we can both be free to date others” because “Once I’m through I’m through, there are no re-takes, breaks while we figure things out, or break-ups to make-ups…if you cheat I’m gone….”

But what was I thinking? Women didn’t leave him, he left them, so I was obviously delusional and way in over my head in his opinion.

It would appear that he was actually the delusional one. Once I walked away from the relationship there was no looking back, no holding on to memories and hopes for something more with him. No desire to punish him, get even, or parade around him and his friends as a reminder of what he had and lost. I was at peace. I had already moved on before I made the decision to say, “this isn’t working out.” But to have this overwhelming sense of peace and resolve it required me to forgive him, which I did.

Years have passed and it never crossed my mind that this individual would spend the time and resources to track me down to ask for forgiveness. But he did. So once again I forgave him. No emotion, no questions of why, how, and “what did I do to you to make you think I deserved this?” Instead, I calmly and rationally told him that I forgave him years ago, have no interest on rekindling flames or even being friends. I wished him well in life and said a quick prayer hoping he receives the life he has always wanted, and that it falls in line with what God believes he needs.

For him he felt he needed clarification; he needed to know how I knew he was cheating because he had been so careful; he needed to know if we could be friends (I guess he thought the first time I said “no” it was a typo), and if we could meet up from time to time. Quickly, clearly, and succinctly I explained the following…

I knew he was cheating because I pray throughout the day every day that God always reveals the truth to me and never allows me to be hidden from it or blind-sided by it; I told him that he should never attempt to mislead or battle with a ‘believer’ because no weapon formed against us shall ever prosper. I firmly yet respectfully told him again that he had no reason to contact me after that point, that if he has learned from his past and has no intention on repeating it then it’s time for him to move on and learn his next lesson.

Had I still been carrying around resentment, anger, desperation, or even a romantic-type of love for him, this moment would have been destroyed because I would have reacted and responded emotionally, and would have allowed myself to be engaged in a lengthy conversation. I would have allowed his need to feel like he closed the chapter on ‘us’ or manipulative desire to start a new one overwhelm me. Instead this dialogue lasted no more than 10 minutes (the time it took me to finish eating my sandwich, chips, and most of my drink).

Forgiving him once more was again for me.

I have learned over the years that I am quite capable of walking away, moving on, weeding out people who serve no purpose but to distract me, and doing so lovingly. My high self-esteem is an added benefit, because I know that no matter what I go through and who I go through it with, that there is always someone better out there for me; that God is there watching over me and setting things in motion where I eventfully (through obedience) afterwards end up with bigger, better, and more beautiful experiences each and every time…and this has happened after each and every ‘failed’ relationship- both in business and in my love life.

The only way to truly prepare for bigger, better, and more beautiful experiences and blessings is to unload the weight from anger, guilt, fear, and negativity. We have to drain the venom from our minds and bodies that poisons us and everyone in our path. We have to forgive those who wronged us past and present. If you haven’t done it, if you haven’t let go, release that weight and start living your life fully…today!

Copyright 2011. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

theparadigmlife.wordpress.com
paradigmlife.blogspot.com
natashaforeman.com

Rwanda: State a Leader in Peace and Security – U.S. Envoy

The outgoing US ambassador to Rwanda, Stuart Symington has said that
Rwanda has become one of the world’s leading countries in the
preservation of peace and security in Africa and the entire world.

http://allafrica.com/stories/201107010125.html

Rwanda: Over 100 Mpanga Inmates to Graduate in Bible Studies

Encouraging news today….According to news reporter Stevenson Mugisha of The New Times, 139 inmates at Mpanga Prison in Nyanza District, Southern Province, are set to graduate in various biblical courses as a means of promoting peace, unity and reconciliation in the country.
 http://allafrica.com/stories/201106300207.html