Side Chicks Guide to Making a Complete Fool of Yourself

What has our world come to when females can search online for tips on how to become and remain a cheating guy’s side chick?!?

Yep, on WikiHow, females can see how low they can slither to be the best side piece that they can be. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw eleven steps that current and hopeful side chicks can follow to get and possibly keep a man (who already has a girlfriend/wife):

  1. Give Him Space
  2. Keep Things Interesting
  3. Refrain From Having “The Talk”
  4. Go With The Flow
  5. Don’t Ask Questions
  6. Don’t Try to Spend Holidays or Birthdays With The Guy
  7. Let Him Get In Touch With You First
  8. Always Look Your Best
  9. Let Him Think He’s The Only One
  10. Don’t Obsess Over the MAIN
  11. Get Out If You’re Not Happy

The site does provide a mild warning, but they failed to list all of the potential pitfalls to slithering on your belly as a side chick. What they don’t explain is the self-worth, esteem, dignity and respect that you have to sacrifice running behind some dude who is most likely sleeping with his main chick, you, and several other females.

You’re busy chasing down someone else’s leftovers because you didn’t get enough love and confirmation as a child. Well you aren’t going to get it as a side chick either. Go get some counseling for your daddy issues before you crash and burn, and/or get physically beat down by that guy’s girlfriend/wife. 👊🏾😖

Side chicks are either content getting scraps or dumb enough to think those scraps will add up to something magical—not realizing that the same scandalous things he’s doing to his Main chick, are the same things (or worse) that he’s going to do to the side chick if she does ever replace the Main chick. Men don’t reinvent themselves in relationships, they recycle what worked and revamp what didn’t, and then test it out on the next woman. So silly rabbit, you’re about to get a huge dose of the last load of poop he tried shoveling down the mouth of his last woman.

And the guys are dumb enough to think the side chick is oh so “extra special“, much more special than his girlfriend/wife…”oh look how she gets all dressed up for me, how attentive she is, she’s much more adventurous than my girlfriend/wife, she laughs at my jokes, she gives me space, she’s so easy going, she always takes my calls, she doesn’t expect anything from me, she makes me feel like a man, she’s only sleeping with me, she strokes my ego“–nope you idiot, she’s following the Side Chicks Handbook on how to get hers and play you at the same time–and if you are ever dumb enough to make her your Main chick, she’s going to make your life a living hell.

I’m not sure what’s worse, the women involved in creating this 11-step list, or the women who rush to read and follow the instructions. I took snapshots of each step and put them into a slideshow. I decided to add some appropriate music to entertain you, because you definitely need to be entertained while reading this comic strip. Check out this masterpiece for yourself and laugh aloud at all of the male and female dummies out there getting caught up in this karmic cyclone…

Dear Chump Lady, Am I an insensitive jerk because my husband wants to date?

Dear Chump Lady, Am I being unreasonable for having a problem with my husband’s ongoing relationship with a woman he tried unsuccessfully to seduce? One night about a year ago, we both got home from our respective jobs and my husband burst into tears. I’m talking, deep, rasping sobs. With his head on my lap…

http://chumplady.com/2014/11/dear-chump-lady-wants-date-co-worker-front/

Is “True Tori” a Train-wreck or Beneficial?

So those of you who don’t know about Tori Spelling, former 90210 original cast member and daughter of the late and legendary Aaron Spelling, she is currently airing out the details and tragic failings of her marriage on a “reality” TV show called “True Tori“.

Let me give you a quick backstory.

See Tori’s husband Dean cheated on her after cheating on and leaving his first wife years ago for Tori. It seems that Tori’s biggest marital fear has come true and now she’s devastated that she has to face a worse fate than his first wife, so she’s sharing all or scripted parts of her life with the world to watch, scrutinize, and comment on each week.

I guess a tell-all book wouldn’t have been sufficient, and I’m not sure how this show will fix her marriage now that Dean has publicly been outed as Satan’s seed. So either way this is just a raggedy situation all around.

Let’s keep things real shall we? Not to be insensitive, but Tori wasn’t concerned about Dean’s first wife, Eustace, when she helped herself to Dean, and destroyed their marriage. But Tori actually wants Eustace to now feel sorry and cheerlead for her. She wants Eustace to explain to her why she also wasn’t enough for Dean, and why he would leave Eustace for her and marry her, just to do to her what he did to Eustace. She wants Eustace to relive her pain and agony for the entire world to see and feel.

Yep, Eustace appeared on the show sharing her experiences and opening her heart to Tori and Dean’s narcissism. I feel bad for Eustace, but proud of her strength because she didn’t toss all of her dignity out of the window like some of us when we’re cheated on and don’t see a backup plan to chasing behind someone who clearly doesn’t love and want a monogamous relationship with us.

Well a Chump Lady reader and viewer of “True Tori” wrote to Chump Lady and shared the two sides of the “True Tori” coin. Read what was said and Chump Lady’s response. Then share your thoughts.

Is “True Tori” showing the ugly and very real side of infidelity, and the need for accountability? Or is it just some scripted chance to ruffle feathers while making a crap-load of money, at the expense of the families involved? I mean, we are talking about two actors on a “reality” show.

Sources:
Chump Lady.
http://chumplady.com/2014/10/dear-chump-lady-is-true-tori-a-good-thing/

True Tori. http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/true-tori

Copyright 2014. Natasha Foreman Bryant. The Paradigm Life. All Rights Reserved.

Dealing With the Disruptive and Dysfunctional Family Member—Or is This Person You?

I just posted to my Breaking Bread blog a prayer and reflection that I felt could also be shared on my other blogs. It doesn’t just focus on our family members who lie, cheat, steal, and get high. It focuses on you, on us, and how we deal with that person. It also focuses on our lives and those frequent moments when we betray God with as much or more intensity and intent as the family member who betrays us. It’s such a crazy cycle.
 
 How do we heal from our self-inflicted “crimes” and how do we heal from heinous acts committed against us? How do we go through the steps needed to forgive ourselves and others? How do we factor in the person who hurt us? Do we disown them or slowly begin to allow them back into our lives? When do you let them back in? After they are “healed” from their “infliction” or during the healing process? Below please read the excerpts from this post and then share your thoughts.
 
 Excerpts from Breaking Bread:
 
 

Has a loved one ever stolen from you? Blatantly lied to you? Been abusive towards you? Coldly disrespected you? Manipulated you into believing that they were a certain type of person, or lived a certain type of way? Have you suspected that they were stealing from you and others but your interventions fell short of any real results?
 
 Do you have a loved one who is abusing drugs and/or alcohol yet you keep ignoring the problem? How many times have you known that this person has been behind the wheel of a car? How many times have you witnessed the aftermath of their binging behavior? How many times have you bailed them out of jail or financial binds?
 
 I just spent the past hour reading forum threads about family members, young children and adult children, who stole from their family, were abusing drugs and/or alcohol, were blatantly disrespectful and sometimes abusive, and their family didn’t know what to do. I read of parents and other family members who just couldn’t take the betrayal any more and they kicked the perpetrator out of their home and forbid their return for any reason. Then I read of instances where people continued to forgive and let “slide” the offenses even when extremely valuable and sentimental items were stolen.
 
 Have you ever experienced this phenomena? Are you experiencing it now? It’s painful to have a stranger steal from or betray you. But it feels like your insides are being gutted when it’s done by a loved one….

 
 

…I think that just like God lovingly allows us to stumble and fall into valleys, yet never completely cutting us off, we too must lovingly let our perpetrator-family member go so that they can stumble and fall—-because we can’t go farther down when our faces are on the ground. We can either stay there or get up, and we can’t get up without God.
 
 Lovingly keep those who are inflicted with the thieving, lying, abusing/abusive “bug” at a safe distance, so that you can allow God to have complete access without your interference. Every time we interfere and think that we can do God’s job and fix something faster, we end up being the victim. There’s a big difference between an intervention with tough love, and trying to “fix” someone. Set and stick by boundaries and rules to protect yourself and other family members, and let God handle the details. The perpetrator will only get and accept help when they want it and see the need for it. Until that time they are like a nonstop tsunami that will destroy anything and anyone in their path.

 
 If YOU are the perpetrator then you will either deny wrongdoing (and continue spiraling out of control until you hit a hard enough force that stops you) or you will get professional and spiritual help, and make right your wrongs.
 
 
 Copyright 2013. All Rights Reserved. Natasha Foreman Bryant.
 
 
 

Natasha’s Thought of the Day 11.25.11

“A cheater  is a very insecure and  fearful person no matter if in a relationship, in business, with their taxes or on an exam. They don’t think they can measure up or handle the responsibilities and risks, so they take the coward’s route and try to slide by in life without having to put in the work, and without having to fully commit. Their pumped up arrogance eventually gets them caught and leaves their loved ones devastated.”

“They should instead work towards getting past their fears and insecurities, try doing their best and giving life their very best, even if they fall short. It pays to lead and live a dignified and honorable life rather than to be known as a cheater, slacker, half-stepper, fake, and fraud.” – Natasha L. Foreman, MBA

Copyright 2011. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.