Women it’s Your Time to Act and Woman Up: A Call to Action, Part One

By Natasha Foreman Bryant
 Teacher. Corrector. Nurturing. Supportive. Caring. Loving. Tender. Warm. Patient. Understanding. Healing. Healer. Fixer. Graceful. Delicate. Strong. Respectful. Kind. Brave. Meek. Humble. Courageous. Lady. Love.
 These words and more describe the traditional woman. These are some of the words that we think about when we think of mothers.
 Baby Mama. B*tch. Baddest B*itch. Side Chick. Side piece. Breezy. Butter head. Barbie. Chicken head. Dime. Cougar. MILF. Ho. Jump off. Queen Bee. Diva. Gold digger. Vixen. Trick. Slut.
 These are some of the words that are being used to describe women today. These are some of the words that women and young girls are using to describe themselves. These are some of the words being used by mothers to describe themselves and other women. The list continues to grow each year.
 Something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong. Painfully wrong. Females. Women. Ladies. Mothers. Sisters. It is time that we step up and act.
 We must Woman Up!
 I wrote a two-part letter to the men (see the links at the end of this post) asking that they step up and do their part to help bring about positive change in our households, schools, churches, and neighborhoods worldwide. I wrote and asked them to do their part to help young men and boys learn what it means to be a real man, a protector, nurturer, teacher, provider, father, husband, son, and friend. I asked men to do their part to help young women and girls learn what a real man is and is not, why they need to shake their fixation on finding the daddy that left them, was never around, or hardly noticed.
 But this change requires us too!
 Young men and boys learn how to treat a woman by looking at and getting directions from other males, but they also learn by watching and interacting with us. The kind of woman that you want your son, grandson, brother, nephew, or cousin to marry and raise a family with will either be the woman he sees in you, or the image he sees somewhere else—maybe on television, in magazines, or on the streets. You can either help present an honorable image, or you can carelessly allow him to seek out and connect with the next “jump off”.
 It is our responsibility to change the image and view of women. It is our responsibility to not sell out for money, affection, fame, or perceived power.
 Your Image: Healthy or Destructive?
 Here’s the problem. If your model image of womanhood comes from what you see on television or view in magazines, then you yourself have not been exposed to any positive female role models. You have allowed the media, designers, corporations, and airbrushing experts (all mostly men) dictate to you the epitome of beauty, sensuality, and strength. I just watched an amazing video that reveals what Jean Kilbourne and thousands of women have been trying to make clear for over 40 years—the images we see of fashion models, actresses, and female celebrities are mostly altered and airbrushed in an attempt to entice and seduce men, and embed a message in the mind of women and girls, that only leads to our diminished esteem and an increase in eating disorders, suicide, and heightened destructive sexual behavior. Please watch this video and share it with others, males and females, old and young. We have to change the way we see ourselves and other women. We have to change the way men and boys see us. We have to change the way designers and corporations see and depict us.
 Eating Disorders
 Eating disorders are not just a “white girl” or wealthy girl issue. Eating disorders don’t discriminate. They can reach all of us. Starvation, forcibly vomiting, binge eating, and emotional eating are actions taken by females around the world from every socioeconomic background, race, color, nationality, religion, and sexual orientation.You can have a seemingly “perfect” life living in a two-parent household, beautiful home, fenced yard, with one or more cute pets, and still have an eating disorder. You can live in the projects with your grandmother or aunt, and have an eating disorder. You can be a straight A student and star athlete, and have an eating disorder. You can be a soccer mom, juggling your demanding career and back-to-back playdates for your kids—and have an eating disorder.
 Either we think we’re too skinny, too fat, too wide, have too much cellulite, don’t have big enough breasts, or have some issue with our butt (too big, small, lumpy, flat, or too wide), whatever it is we aren’t happy. This unhappiness turns into us using exercise, food and other substances to drastically alter our bodies. Someone planted this seed in our minds. Someone told us we’re too fat or too skinny, and that seed rooted and grew quickly. We then fixated on this and it became our reality. Then our pain must be inflicted on others, because hurt people hurt people. So we then see the flaws in other women, and we do our part to share with them and others our opinion of these flaws. There is the chain reaction.
 Plastic Surgery
 Then there’s plastic surgery and this obsession with becoming a barbie doll—thinner, uplifted always-smiling face; big and even bigger breasts; perfectly sculpted legs and arms; toned and rounded hips and butt; and a teeny tiny waist. Women are spending one to six months of income (theirs or someone else’s) to achieve their ideal barbie doll image, and then when they still aren’t satisfied, they spend another one to six months of income to make corrections.
 That is why honorable plastic surgeons inquire in advance your true intent for wanting plastic surgeon, what outside influences may be encouraging this decision, and if you are mentally and emotionally prepared for this change. You can make all of the physical corrections that you want with the help of a surgeon, but if you aren’t spiritually, mentally, and emotionally healthy, happy and satisfied, then you will never ever be happy with yourself or your looks. We must accept this for ourselves and we must explain this to the young girls and teens who are growing into their bodies and ingesting the toxins delivered by magazines and on television. It is our responsibility to have this discussion with friends and family. It is our responsibility to have this discussion with young school-aged girls and those young women ages 18 to 25.
 It is our responsibility to tell the media, fashion designers, advertising and marketing companies, and other corporations that we are not inanimate objects, we are not objects. Period. We are women, ladies, girls, daughters, wives, girlfriends, sisters, cousins, teachers, entrepreneurs, and bearers of life. We are not to be dehumanized and exploited. To make this point clear that means that we have to also refuse to audition and interview for roles, assignments, and jobs that negatively portray us as objects of desire, and we have to stop carrying ourselves (and behaving) like mere objects.
 Woman up!
 Tune in for Part Two coming soon!
 Your Sista girl,
 Natasha Foreman Bryant
 To read the two-part Call to Action for men visit:
 Part One
 Part Two
 Jean Kilbourne

>The Complexities of Relationships: Part One

>In my soon-to-be 35 years on this planet (in two short months) I have dated more men than I would care to admit, and hopefully no one who remembers would ever shout out the number. (Laugh) With this experience, and the fact that I was blessed to have a father who first “schooled” me on guys when I was 12, and several male friends who taught me the ins and outs of ‘doggy land’, I have learned a great deal about men and about myself.

I love men and how they are wired. I love what I know about them and the hidden treasures that are still left uncovered. I’m not one of those women who yell out, “I don’t need a man”….please I don’t need drama, I don’t need pain, I don’t need mounting debt, I don’t need a toothache, I do need love…love from a man. The man who loves me and receives my love in return has definitely hit the jackpot and found a good thing, because I will give him all he needs as God directs our path. It has been a long journey to get to this place and space, and it has been worth the bumps, bruises, heart aches and heart breaks. Now I’m truly ready for what God has been preparing me for…my King!  


Those women who grew up with males showing them the “ropes” have a major advantage over women who had to learn the long, hard way about men and their nuances, games, and unbearable ways. I’m giggling as I write this because I know of some men who would scoff at that last description. What I have learned is that what I know about men I am not to share with them. In the past I would quickly ramble off every trick of the trade guys played to prove to them they could not pull the wool over my eyes. Now with time I have learned that men thrive off of playing a game of strategy. To be the “man” they must always maintain the upper hand. So for me, that means I cannot show my “cards”; simply let things be and don’t get played.

I have also learned that when I don’t give in to the game playing that men claim they don’t thrive on, that my life is less complicated. Some men live for drama, it’s like playing a video game or driving a sports car; they are adrenaline junkies so anytime they can live on the edge they will seize the moment. It’s also about control. No matter how many times and different ways they say that they aren’t control freaks and don’t expect to control all relationships (business and personal) they simply are not being honest.  

I believe that in the context of marriage, the man as husband is the head of the home…but his wife is his crown. A wife isn’t to walk ahead or behind her husband, but beside him on his left…closest to his heart. In relationships there is always one person who is stronger or weaker in certain areas than the other. We are to come together as one to compliment those areas of strength and weakness, not expose or pounce on them. When you resort to this level of immaturity what you are really doing is revealing your own insecurities.

Let me also say that the role of husband and wife are to only be played by husband and wife. Don’t set these expectations up in casual or even seemingly serious relationships. There is a big difference in carrying yourself like a woman who plans to be a wife, and mentally and physically assuming the role of a wife. You have emotionally married the man prematurely and that is when things get complicated and ugly. You start assuming and he starts assuming and you know what they say when you ass-u-me!   

I will let you ponder over that, and tomorrow I will continue with Part Two of this series. I look forward to your feedback…let’s have a healthy dialogue!

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.