What Would You REALLY do if You Received This Letter?

I have been in this situation before, and I have handled it different ways each time. In my 20s I was less mature, so you can imagine my reaction. As I got older and more mature I learned how to handle things better and skillfully. But what would you do?

I know at this very moment you’re shaking your head and asking the question, “What are you talking about Natasha?” Well read this post and then let me know what you would do if today you received a similar letter.

Source:
http://chumplady.com/2014/10/got-letter/

Copyright 2014. All Rights Reserved.

Is “True Tori” a Train-wreck or Beneficial?

So those of you who don’t know about Tori Spelling, former 90210 original cast member and daughter of the late and legendary Aaron Spelling, she is currently airing out the details and tragic failings of her marriage on a “reality” TV show called “True Tori“.

Let me give you a quick backstory.

See Tori’s husband Dean cheated on her after cheating on and leaving his first wife years ago for Tori. It seems that Tori’s biggest marital fear has come true and now she’s devastated that she has to face a worse fate than his first wife, so she’s sharing all or scripted parts of her life with the world to watch, scrutinize, and comment on each week.

I guess a tell-all book wouldn’t have been sufficient, and I’m not sure how this show will fix her marriage now that Dean has publicly been outed as Satan’s seed. So either way this is just a raggedy situation all around.

Let’s keep things real shall we? Not to be insensitive, but Tori wasn’t concerned about Dean’s first wife, Eustace, when she helped herself to Dean, and destroyed their marriage. But Tori actually wants Eustace to now feel sorry and cheerlead for her. She wants Eustace to explain to her why she also wasn’t enough for Dean, and why he would leave Eustace for her and marry her, just to do to her what he did to Eustace. She wants Eustace to relive her pain and agony for the entire world to see and feel.

Yep, Eustace appeared on the show sharing her experiences and opening her heart to Tori and Dean’s narcissism. I feel bad for Eustace, but proud of her strength because she didn’t toss all of her dignity out of the window like some of us when we’re cheated on and don’t see a backup plan to chasing behind someone who clearly doesn’t love and want a monogamous relationship with us.

Well a Chump Lady reader and viewer of “True Tori” wrote to Chump Lady and shared the two sides of the “True Tori” coin. Read what was said and Chump Lady’s response. Then share your thoughts.

Is “True Tori” showing the ugly and very real side of infidelity, and the need for accountability? Or is it just some scripted chance to ruffle feathers while making a crap-load of money, at the expense of the families involved? I mean, we are talking about two actors on a “reality” show.

Sources:
Chump Lady.
http://chumplady.com/2014/10/dear-chump-lady-is-true-tori-a-good-thing/

True Tori. http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/true-tori

Copyright 2014. Natasha Foreman Bryant. The Paradigm Life. All Rights Reserved.

>When Will Men Learn?

>Michael Jackson’s doctor, Conrad Murray is yet another example of male ego, pride, arrogance, and self-centeredness amplified and out of control. He is also an example of what happens when you become greedy, and suffer from what I call the “31-flavors syndrome” which is simply this: you aren’t content with one woman…no, you have this urge to dig in deep into other flavors out of greed, curiosity, and plain ignorance.

Photo Credit: icecreamfranchise.org

You loved Chocolate. You couldn’t live without Chocolate…until you saw Pralines and Cream. You secretly would sneak away to get a taste of Pralines and Cream- because it offered something Chocolate just didn’t and couldn’t. Then you got a whiff of Rocky Road and lost your mind- you just have to taste that too. Before you know it you’re trying to dip your spoon into several flavors and are no longer satisfied with just one. Matter of fact you begin to neglect Chocolate so much that eventually you convince Chocolate that it’s their fault you no longer have a taste for it. Now Chocolate just lives to be relevant in your life on any level.

What men fail to realize is the temperament of women, and the reality that we are descendants of Eve- and you remember what came of her and Adam after moments of speaking to the snake and biting that apple! Nothing good comes from it. Nothing good comes from crossing a woman, and nothing good comes from dealing with a woman who truly has nothing to lose if all goes wrong.

Men can be highly successful in their careers and then be almost brain-dead in their love lives.

Image Credit: mybrainsonstrike.hyper-blogger.com 

Dr. Murray- married, had not one but three mistresses- so should he be surprised that the prosecution would track them down and have them testify against him? Did he think that fathering their children and taking care of them would gain and maintain their loyalty? Let’s be clear, women are very cunning, intelligent and clever. The whole time you think you’re playing her, she’s actually playing you dummy!

Remember Tiger Woods situation? One mistress got ticked off when she realized she wasn’t the only one. She was cool sneaking around with him for years while he cheated on his wife- but she wasn’t about to share him with other gold-digging home wreckers! In her mind she was next in line and she wasn’t about to compete with one or twenty other women for the position. He made her feel special. He shared intimate details with her. He talked about his issues with his wife with her. He told her he missed her and couldn’t wait to see her. He snuck out to be with her when he should have been with his wife and kids. Millions and millions of dollars later, Tiger is wife-less and that first mistress holds what position? Hmmmm….

Dr. Murray isn’t a young man of 25 or even 35 like Tiger. Nope he is 57-year-old man (and thus should know better), married to his medical-school classmate (so she wasn’t some airhead with a great ‘rack’), and has fathered several children with several women while married. He was making a living to support women and children that have nothing to do with his marriage.

I have a nickname for men like him, besides ‘idiot’- he’s a “Captain Save-a-Ho” (excuse my language). Men like Murray are so full of themselves and so caught up in women oohing and aahing over them that they don’t see the huge grave they are digging for themselves. These men are so desperate to play ‘daddy’ to women who are missing father figures (for whatever reason)- that they fail to realize that they can never measure up to what once was or never has been. Stop trying to fulfill a fantasy as sick and twisted as that!

Image Credit: brandoncarter.com

Talk about bad karma! He’s being pimp-slapped by his own vices. He wanted to be the center of these women’s lives, he wanted to be their savior, and have them dependent upon him. He paid for what they needed, he probably gave them plane tickets to travel various places, took care of their bills and rent, and made sure they had nice clothes to wear. I wonder how he’s liking that child support now?

Many of you who know me know I have another favorite line I love sharing with people who spend their lives manipulating, lying, and cheating- “is the screwing you’re getting worth the screwing you’re gonna get?” because now Murray has to look back at these women, and the ones he had relations with (but never got pregnant) and ask himself, “was it all worth it? Was playing daddy to these women really worth what I’m getting now?” He was so busy trying to be ‘the man’ with his $150,000 a month lifestyle, and busy juggling his wife and several other women and children at one time, that he didn’t see the trap he was walking into. These same women he cheated on his loyal wife with are now testifying against him and helping to nail down his coffin. I wonder which one will throw the final handful of dirt over his ‘grave’?

I also wonder how his wife feels? Understand she isn’t and wasn’t stupid. She knows exactly what ‘Mr. Brainiac’ was doing. Like I said, women are very intelligent and cunning. She probably thinks like I do, “give him the rope and let him hang himself” as she holds her head up high with the dignity God gave her. She looks at her husband and shakes her head with a smirk on her face and hypothetically says to herself, “he could have had the world with me. He could have had whatever he wanted if he only gave himself fully to me and not those other huzzies. Why didn’t he just divorce me and let me live my life so that he could live his own freely with whomever he chose?

This is deep. The whole time he was betraying his wife behind her back, he was busy telling her (most likely) that he was faithful; that any doubts she had were in her mind; that she was overreacting; that she should be honored to be his wife; how much money he spent on her; how many women would love her position; and the most hilarious phrases (that I’ve heard from several men in 15 years), “I don’t have time to be with another woman, I’m too busy“, “I’m not doing for anyone else what I do for you” or, “you get what no one else gets“. Those make me laugh and want to vomit all at the same time. At the same time you’re trying to reassure her she’s the only one you’re actually telling her she’s not…idiot!

What men fail to realize is that giving of time, attention, and affection is actually worse than giving of money, trips, and gifts to another woman.

Emotional intimacy is something that should be shared and reserved for one woman, not multiple women. I’m sure other women would agree with me that the thought of their man/husband sharing private details, hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears, plans, ideas, etc with another woman is more of a betrayal than having sex. Spending quality time with another woman that you could and should be sharing with your wife/woman tears a woman’s heart.

Image Credit: ehow.com

Don’t get me wrong- sex of any kind with another woman can make you want to Rambo him and the bimbo- but research has shown that more couples don’t make it past infidelity because of the connection the spouse shared with the person he/she was cheating with. We can get past the sex, but the thought of long talks, laughing, sneaking around and talking on the phone, emailing and texting each other, and making plans for a future together is something most folks just can’t get over.

Photo Credit: usernetsite.com

Dr. Murray along with other selfish men of the world don’t see that, care not to see it, and most likely are insensitive to it unless it happened to them. Instead of giving his all in his marriage, or doing the dignified thing and simply divorcing her when he no longer wanted the marriage- or felt tempted to sample another ice cream flavor- he humiliated her in front of others- in front of the world. Instead he now sits in court looking lost and pitiful with no where to go but farther down that abyss of shame and darkness.

This is what happens when it’s all about you; when life revolves and stops according to you and your rules; when you think that you are above the laws of the land and the laws of God; when you think you have this ‘game’ figured out and mastered. This is what happens when you trade humility for power, and self-respect for a cheerleading section. This is what happens when you take your eye off your queen for the show girl who will twirl and shake her thing for dollars, and tell you anything you want to hear. This is what happens when you would rather invest your time and money in trying to save the woman who needs a daddy, instead of investing it in a woman who can be your partner for life- and only needs your love.

How many more of you men need to learn this hard lesson? How many of you will keep trying to convince yourself that, “it can’t happen to me“, or “Tiger, John Edwards, Dr. Murray, and the others were just stupid and sloppy- I’m smarter than them“?

I wonder which of you I will be writing about this year!

Get it together fellas. Love your queen or let her go- don’t risk losing everything trying to juggle two, three, or eight women. It’s really not worth it.

To read the full story from the L.A. Times about Dr. Murray visit: http://lat.ms/ejpw08

Natasha L. Foreman, MBA

Copyright 2011. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.