Sean’s Thought of the Day: Friendship

A REAL friends promise:

I will always say what I believe you need to hear not what you wish to hear.

I will be honest with you even if it cost our friendship.

I will strive to make you the best person you can be.

I will not co-sign everything you say because I know that we can all be stupid at times.

I will not support your destruction be it drugs, alcohol or any other similar thing.

What you tell me in confidence will stay there but I will tell you if that secret is wrong.

In all I promise to be a real friend and hope you can give me the same.

A REAL friend wants you to be better not to just feel better.

What Kind Of Friend Have You REALLY Been?

Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved.

>Quote of the Day 10.18.10

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There comes a point in your life when you realize:

Who matters,

Who never did,

Who won’t anymore…

And who always will.

So don’t worry about people from your past,

There’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future!

I love this quote/poem. I have read it numerous times, and remind myself of the context when faced with making decisions about my past, present, and future. This has oftentimes been quoted with “author unknown”; and although my research pointed me in the direction of Adam Lindsay Gordon, I was unable to track down this quote/poem in order to give him due credit. If you have proof that Gordon or someone else penned this poignant message, please provide me a source to reference. Thank you.

Natasha

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. Some Rights Reserved.
paradigmlife.blogspot.com  

>A Blast From My Past: A Note to Self

>About a week ago my mother was going through an old sketch pad that I shared with my dad and she ran across a note I had written five years ago. Read the words below and share your thoughts…

6/27/05

They can’t run off of your fuel- nor can they become something just because you believe that they can. Some things (and people) no matter how wonderful they were at one time MUST GO!

High-maintenance relationships drain YOU.

You CAN’T teach someone to care.

The person who DOESN’T have the passion for your purpose is in the wrong place!

Business- it has to be more than the money
Marriage- it has to be more than sex, status, or financial gain


1) Confront 2) Correct 3) Compromise or 4) Cut-off

Severing relationships   


Just because you have a past with someone doesn’t mean that you have a healthy future! Especially if the answer is NO to:

Do they share my dreams, goals and hopes for the future?

What are our common goals? Do we have any?

Do they include as a priority MY well-being?

Does our relationship raise me up and along the road to success?

Are they going my way?

Do they have direction?

Are they wasting one of my most precious commodities? TIME


What is amazing is in the middle of this note I created a list of names. On one side it listed four of my closest female friends who I had healthy relationships with; on the other side I listed three friends who I had unhealthy relationships with. I had to make a decision who to keep and who to let go (or put on the back burner). Five years later those three women that I had an unhealthy relationship with barely have a place in my life other than irregular communication over the Internet. The four friends I had healthy relationships with I communicate with on a regular basis. We may not see each other regularly, but we stay in touch by phone, email, text, etc.

Sometimes it is necessary to clean house and fly with other birds that are more like you…chickens and pigeons have no business trying to soar with eagles…and vice versa!

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

>Something to Consider…the Past Ten Years

>So we left off looking back at the past fifteen and twenty years. Let’s move things along shall we?

TEN YEARS AGO…

Ten years ago my dad was still alive, and up until July 4, 2000 so was my dog, my baby, Nickalus- whom I mothered since I was in 7th grade. He died from the belief of cancer. I put a conspiracy twist on that, but that’s another story for another day. Oh gosh 2000 was a ridiculous period in my life…my parents divorced after 25 years of marriage (and roughly four years of separation…that was their second separation). Heck now that I think about it, 1995 through this period was all material for a book, movie, mini-series, and would have made a high-grossing run as a reality television show. I could cover a period long before 1995, but the “juicy” details started in 1995.

So in 2000, I went from having a career as a music industry executive with dreams of pursuing law school as a Civil Rights and Entertainment lawyer to co-managing an on-again-off-again boyfriend-slash-ex-fiancé who wanted to fire me every other month…yeah complicated was an understatement. I was also a Domestic Liaison (for a division in my dad’s company) working with other countries who wanted to acquire broadcasting rights to U.S. television shows and movies…and I had my own entertainment company managing and consulting R&B and Hip Hop artists and DJs.

Over a course of five years I had started writing poems and keeping them in notebooks and binders. A journal I had started in 1994 was looking more like a novel than reflective material to ponder, heal, and grow from. Who would have thought that excerpts from it would eventually be used as evidence in a court case in 2007? Go figure!

FIVE YEARS AGO…

Five years ago this month I was planning a wedding to my on-again-off-again boyfriend-slash-ex-fiancé who was now somehow my fiancé again. Supposedly he had an epiphany about us and felt God was showing him that I was “the one” for him. He proposed to me June 2004 at my second job (I was working at a college, and a high school) and I said what the hell I’d take a gamble with it…worst case scenario I’d be single again. My dad had passed away July 2001 and my fiancé was the one man who knew what my dreams and goals meant to both me and my father. Despite the moments of ignorance he sometimes spewed out of his mouth, he was a highly intelligent and competitive person, and would push me to succeed…push me to work harder, study harder, and do more.

In 2005 I was more passionate about working within the education field. I had done a great deal of tutoring, speaking engagements, and volunteering within elementary, middle school, and high schools in Orange County, California. I saw teaching still as a strong career opportunity. So did my fiancé. He also saw another opportunity for me…being a life coach and motivational speaker. He said I was a natural and had already helped so many other people. That was something to strongly consider!

By the end of 2005 my engagement had ended, I called off my wedding; I was no longer working for the high school or the college, and I was studying for my LSAT so that I could go to law school. What was going on with my career? I was a full-time business consultant with a full-time client, a small law firm in Mission Viejo, California (the owner also encouraged me to attend law school); and I had two other clients that I was working with in Los Angeles. I was working with high school students more, speaking at workshops, conferences, and graduations. I was regularly visiting schools and speaking with students who needed to see and speak with someone like me so they could see that, “it’s only as difficult as you make it…if you believe in yourself it doesn’t matter what life throws your way you can do anything you set your mind to” as I’ve been known to say….with all of that going on, something was still missing in my life….

FROM FIVE YEARS TO NOW…

It’s March 12, 2010 and I’m reflecting back on things…wondering what is still missing in my life. Do you see anything missing? Let me share what has happened since 2005…

I let my fear of not passing the California bar exam, my fear of not being able to juggle law school, work and life sway me from following through with my dreams of attending law school. I instead faced head-on another fear…I started my MBA program in 2007. Never could I have imagined pursuing this degree so I challenged myself to do it and give it 100% effort. I was focused on having leverage on competition that would be going after the same prospective clients I was pursuing.

Another thing that I was interested in was teaching college business courses, and possibly high school business courses. Also that same year I became a licensed life insurance agent, and began my re-certification as a personal fitness trainer. Consider the possibility of several revenue streams flowing in and then see why I pursued these avenues.

By November 2007 I moved to Atlanta, Georgia completely stepping out on faith that I would find clients, a job, or both. It didn’t happen for me in November or December 2007. January 2008 rolled around…February…months were passing and still nothing…I was surviving off of savings and a prayer. I resumed representing my client, Jazz bassist, Melvin Lee Davis in 2008, after a 2006 hiatus. I got engaged to my boyfriend of two years the summer of 2008, started actively writing a book (a mix between fiction and nonfiction), and began representing an ABA basketball team out of Maywood, California…then later representing the Compton Cobras team handling their corporate sponsorships and partnerships.

After two years of late nights, lack of sleep, and body aches I finally graduated from my MBA program in June 2009. I had formed a partnership to promote philanthropic efforts I was involved with through the sales of t-shirts (giving 25% of net profits back to two wonderful organizations), and a few months after forming this partnership I called off my engagement to my fiancé (it was not meant for us to marry each other). Then like a stack of dominoes falling I ended my business partnership December 1, 2009. Weeks after ending my business partnership I began my PhD program in Organization and Management…and declared that 2010 would be an awesome year for me and anyone who rolled on my team!

I am now applying for teaching positions at local and online community colleges and adult education centers; while also looking for new clients to represent in the Atlanta area. In addition to my PhD I am working towards a Post-Masters Certificate in College Teaching (once again thinking about leverage). I am back in the saddle volunteering with children, having spent several hours last week reading and speaking to three classes at two nearby elementary schools. Both schools have asked me to return and I have without hesitation agreed to do so beginning next week.

I was asked a few months ago by a young woman if I would mentor her, and with the deepest honor I have accepted and assume that role. I have also found a way to continue my philanthropic work with one of the charities I supported last year, and can’t wait to share with everyone what I am organizing later this year. My writing has taken on a life of its own as I have become stronger, more confident, and more willing to share with the public…hence this blog. If I can’t write here and take the constructive criticism and feedback, then how will I publish my book that I’m resuming work on?

With all that is going on you noticed I did not focus or dwell on the fact that my dreams and goals 20 years ago still have not taken solid form. Piece by piece, step-by-step, I have made a positive impact in someone’s life, in my own life. I have opened myself up to the possibility of letting my guards down through love and living life. For the first time in a long time I let God control my destiny. I let God take the steering wheel and say, “you’re going here Natasha”.

Yes, I find myself stressed many days because I am not where I wanted (or want) to be financially or in my private, personal world…as a wife and mother…but I wouldn’t change one iota of what I have experienced in the past 20 years. This is going to make a hell of a great book, don’t you think? I look forward to teaching, consulting, traveling, and becoming a wife and mother. I look forward to sharing my story. I look forward to filling that void…that “missing” thing. I look forward to the rest of this journey.

Can you say the same? Can you look back at the past 20 years of successes, set backs, and failures and smile, knowing that it has ALL been worthwhile? Can you say that you wouldn’t trade your experience for anyone else’s? Can you say that the past 20 years have been inspiring, filled with growth and wisdom? I’ve experienced so much in 20 years, in 34 years (oh gosh did I just say 34?) and I am grateful to have lived this long. I am grateful to have lived this life, to have seen, felt, and experienced some things that are unique only to me and some things that hundreds of other people can say, “I’ve done that also”.

After 34 years of growing I have finally learned from a dear, close friend to cry tears of joy…not pain or regret…because I’m alive…I’m healthy…and my story’s not over. I’m not sure when that last chapter in my life will end and when the book will close…I’m hoping and praying that God and I are on the same page, and that I still have another good 80 years plus left… to write my story…maybe from my Tudor home under my Weeping Willows as my horses trot by!

Copyright © 2010 by Natasha L. Foreman. All rights reserved.

>Effects of Haiti Hits Home

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I have not heard back from one of my small group members from church. Born and raised in Haiti, she along with some of her family members relocated to New York when she was approximately 13 years old. Not too long ago she decided to pack her things and move by herself from New York to Atlanta. Although we have grown close, for several days now I have been completely consumed with the devastation in Haiti, and my own personal life, yet forgetting all about my dear friend.

As a small group leader I am responsible for facilitating the care and discipleship of my members, while helping to build an “authentic” community. I am supposed to check in with them regularly and make sure that all is well in their lives. It bothers me that I had not spoken with her in over a week. Another group member called me, also concerned and said that the last time she spoke with our friend was last week- and that at that time there was a sister still living in Haiti who hadn’t contacted family to say she was okay.

I felt as though I swallowed an apple whole. What is going through our friend’s mind? Had she heard news of her sister’s whereabouts? Is she okay? My mind began to race as I thought of the last email she responded to…wow that was two weeks ago when I sent that out…the only other email I have sent since then was earlier yesterday. I’m going to keep trying to reach her by phone and email. I have been praying non-stop for those affected by the earthquake and aftershocks in Haiti; now I’m saying an extra prayer for my friend and her family still in Haiti…hoping that soon she will call and say that all is well.

Copyright © 2010 by Natasha L. Foreman. All rights reserved.