>Social Media Connected to Higher Divorce Rates?

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By Natasha L. Foreman, MBA
A study released this week and reported by CBS News Atlanta reports that 20% of all marriages have ended in divorce because of social media sites, primarily Facebook.  Divorce lawyers were interviewed and surveyed for this study conducted by The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, and the results were staggering, but not surprising- at least not to me!
Think about it…social media, especially Facebook leads to 1 in 5 divorces.
One divorce lawyer, David Sarif, told CBS Atlanta that social media sites are like Pandora’s Box, once opened it gets out of control. One CBS Atlanta employee whose name was protected said that his long-term girlfriend ended their relationship after reuniting on Facebook with a college “friend”.

Why?
Experts and divorce lawyers say it is because social media sites like Facebook allow people to explore the possibilities, see what’s out there, toy with the idea of being with a person who does and says things that they think their spouse wont. Social media sites allow a person to be secretive, communicate freely with people of interest, send private messages and arrange secret rendezvous’.

What can you do to protect your relationship?
Sarif said that he does the following things with his wife:

Don’t spend time on Facebook and other social media sites when you could and should be spending time with your spouse or significant other.

Be sure that your profile lists that you are married or in a relationship

Make sure that there are plenty of pictures of the two of you

Don’t engage in conversations with another person, (not your spouse/significant other) that you know you wouldn’t have if your spouse had access to the message

Be open with your accounts and freely share access to your page and password with your spouse.

My thoughts
I’m not sure if even those steps suggested by Sarif will keep a person from cheating online. I could of course be wrong. I think that if someone really wants to stray they will; some people may get an adrenaline rush at the thought of getting caught. Some people think they are too smart to get caught.
As far as having pictures of you and your spouse/significant other posted on your profile goes- uh well when has that stopped cheating before? When has that stopped someone from flirting and pursuing another person? People cheat and they have pictures of their spouse in their wallet, on their desk, in their cell phone, and as their screen saver on their computer. It’s no different than the transition from people getting caught with phone numbers in their pocket; by the year 2000 people were hip to the idea of saving numbers to their cell phone (and not using the person’s real name). People started investing in business cards and bam…everyone has one- the lies can continue; now with more creativity. 
People think they are being really crafty by minimizing computer screens to prevent getting busted when their spouse walks into the room- funny thing is, when you do dirt it will always be revealed, so you can minimize that screen all day long, the truth will maximize the intensity of the light that will shine on your lie. No different than a former employee of mine who would try to quickly minimize the screens on her computer so I wouldn’t see her playing around on the Internet instead of doing her work. I would laugh because it was so obvious- but she couldn’t help herself.
If someone wants to be trifling they will find a way.
I believe that an honorable and trustworthy person who truly loves their spouse/significant other will simply do the right thing all of the time; they won’t entertain the idea of communicating with other people that they know they shouldn’t be speaking with- and yes they know who falls into this category; they won’t add people as “friends” that they know aren’t genuine friends, family or business associates; they won’t exchange email addresses, phone numbers, and IM screen names, etc. Lastly, the only time they are minimizing computer screens is because they are secretly planning a romantic getaway for the two of you or buying you a gift!
When it comes down to it, do you really have time to be checking up on your spouse/significant other? If you do, you need to use that time doing something else; if you need to check their accounts then you should ask yourself why you are with them. Just like I would have to add, if you have extra time to be online chatting and flirting with someone else then why are you in a relationship with your spouse/significant other? The time you’re investing in someone else could be invested in your relationship with the person you claim to love. Now that’s just my thoughts on the matter.
What are your thoughts?
Copyright 2011. Natasha L. Foreman. Some Rights Reserved.
Paradigmlife.blogspot.com

>When MySpace is No Longer the Right Place

>Today I took the time to delete all pictures and information on my personal MySpace page, and then I made the ‘ultimate’ move…I closed my account. Removing the pictures was a tad bit time consuming only because there were several in a few of my albums that I wanted to save on my computer. Other than that it was as simple as clicking “delete album” and confirming twice that I was sure I wanted to proceed with the process. Deleting the messages in my mailbox also took awhile, but it was worth it in the end. I still can’t believe I had messages dating back to February 2006, that’s ridiculous!

Some people totally understand why I would want to delete my account. For those of you who want insight let me share….

Just like certain people and things in my past…I am no longer in need of that account. When I first got my account circa 2004 it was fun, exciting, and a great way to get in touch with family and friends. It was also a pretty decent way to connect professionally, especially in the music business. I enjoyed adding pictures, graphics, and updating my music on my profile. By the end of 2006 my space felt invaded and MySpace was no longer fun. I switched my account to “private”. By the time 2009 rolled around I began using my account less and eventually not at all…last summer I abandoned ship for smoother sailing elsewhere. For me it has been a constant reminder of a Natasha from a different time, a different mindset, and with different priorities. 

The vibe felt like ‘then’ and not like ‘now’. 

I have learned a great deal about the drama of this digital social world, hence the reason I am very selective as to who I add now as a FaceBook “friend” -old friends and associates from elementary all the way through college, and a handful of people that I have met in some way over the past year. I’m not on these sites to date, be flirted with, or see how many people I can get as “friends”. People who want to connect with me on a professional level can find me on LinkedIn, Twitter, my blog, or one of my websites. There is no reason for them to read or see personal things about me. I’m not saying FaceBook and Twitter are drama-free, what I’m saying is I have structured my account to by-pass the missteps I had with MySpace…and most importantly, my accounts have no ties to something or someone from a closed chapter in my book of life. 

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that MySpace is a great site for entertainers, athletes, fan sites, teens and kids (when monitored), and the like. For the rest of us, especially those of us desiring a semblance of calm and not mania, it can be a disturbing place to try and coexist. For those of you die-hard MySpace fans, more power to you. Enjoy the ride.

Thanks for the good times MySpace!

Ciao!

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.