What Would You REALLY do if You Received This Letter?

I have been in this situation before, and I have handled it different ways each time. In my 20s I was less mature, so you can imagine my reaction. As I got older and more mature I learned how to handle things better and skillfully. But what would you do?

I know at this very moment you’re shaking your head and asking the question, “What are you talking about Natasha?” Well read this post and then let me know what you would do if today you received a similar letter.

Source:
http://chumplady.com/2014/10/got-letter/

Copyright 2014. All Rights Reserved.

Bad Girls, More Like Hurt Girls: Woman Up!

By Natasha Foreman Bryant
 
 
 I admit that around 2006-2007 I watched the earlier seasons of the Bad Girls Club. I wanted to know what Oxygen was bringing to the table, so-to-speak, and what made these young females so “Bad”. I soon discovered that droves of females claiming to be real women, were lining up to join this show to prove how devious, violent, ruthless, and spiteful they were. They wanted to prove to themselves that they were the hottest, sexiest female on the show, and the one who could curse the most and the loudest, while pretending that they really wanted to fight one or more of the other cast members.
 
 Yeah I got bored of it quickly because I know that the women who aren’t to be messed with don’t go around advertising it for the world, or tooting their own horn. They just confidently sit back and relax.
 
 Little girls throw temper tantrums, play childish games, and do petty things. This is what I saw on the Bad Girls Club, and this is what I saw when I decided to check on the show the other day (now in it’s 11th season). It’s disappointing to see these girls, obviously in pain, obviously battling some childhood or early adulthood trauma, taking out their pain and frustration on others.
 
 Someone let them down early on in their life. Someone didn’t give them a healthy dose of love, attention, affection, and structure growing up. Someone didn’t teach them how to be ladies and mature women. Maybe there are daddy issues, mommy issues, or both. Whatever the problem it runs deep, and when not properly redirected, hurt people will ultimately hurt people.
 
 I always wonder if the cast members from all eleven seasons look back at the episodes they starred in and really reflect upon how they were portrayed, how they acted, and the image that they have left in the minds of their viewers—and the young girls that I’m sure tune in regularly.
 
 The episode that I have shared at the end of this post is a small reflection of what Bad Girls Club has recycled and evolved into after 11 seasons. I tell those so-called “bad girls” and those who walk around thinking they are “bad” to woman up! Your attitude and false image won’t get you far in life. The high you feel tearing others down will still leave you feeling lonely when the cameras aren’t on you, or when your entourage isn’t hanging around egging you on.
 
 [ http://www.hulu.com/watch/539096%5D
 
 
 Copyright 2013. Natasha Foreman Bryant. All Rights Reserved.
 
 
 
 

“Frankie Leg”: A Fun Image of Grandmothers Shedding their Frail Stereotype, or is this Adding to a More Negative One?

 

I’m really not sure what to say about this video, its message, and the impact (if any). I also am not sure what it says overall about the people it will ultimately reflect upon and clump together into one classification. Is this a fun and possibly healthy image of grandmothers and grandfathers shedding and shaking away the frail stereotype normally associated with getting older? Or is this somehow only adding to the negative stereotypes about Black people?

I start thinking of the buffoonery we once used to fight so hard against, and I wonder if we really have gone full-circle and found ourselves smack-dab in the middle of where we once were; if we have grown to accept not only other nationalities laughing and mocking us, but also embracing it as a reality for ourselves–so we too take part in this…we too find it acceptable; so we laugh, dance, smile, shuck and jive, and roll around comfortably in mediocrity.

Are we really in that much pain that we would rather entertain ourselves in this manner than uplift ourselves out of our pit of shame and despair? What message are our children really getting? Where is our dignity? When is enough truly enough? I believe that music and dance is healthy, healing, and cleansing–but does the “Frankie Leg” fall into those categories?

I am still letting all of this soak into my mind (which may be dangerous). But let’s have a healthy conversation about it shall we?

 

Copyright 2011. Natasha L. Foreman. The Paradigm Life. Paradigm Life. Rights Reserved.
Video provided by YouTube

Sean’s Thought of the Day: Keep Your Personal Business in Your House

Another post from childhood friend, Sean…

 
Sean’s Thought:

Remember when you kept your personal business in the house? Your kids knew that you didn’t tell folks about what went on in the house. A husband spoke to his wife and a wife spoke to her husband. Posting how you done with men or women on Facebook only makes you look foolish and desperate. Maybe it is time to stop proclaiming love, giving yourself over and praising these men and women before you know them in the first place. Keep your business in your house and the world won’t be all up in it. It is time for grown-ups to start acting grown.

 

Copyright 2011. All Rights Reserved.

Natasha’s Thought of the Day: My Definition of a Coward

A coward is a hilarious yet pitiful sight to see and experience. A coward hides behind aliases, anonymity, avatars, masks, lies, and other people. A coward yells loudly behind mommy’s dress and daddy’s coat, but never stands out and speaks up for the world to see. A coward spits venom like a serpent but is too scared to face those they attack. A coward has little to no self-esteem, self-worth, dignity, or grace, so lacking a spine they sneak around trying to drag others to their level. A coward will hide behind a title but never live up to it. A coward is never dependable, reliable, or consistent…except in their cowardice. They simply exist, but never live, and even in their existence they don’t leave much of an impression.

I’m not too sure if I should feel sorry for the cowards of the world, sympathy, or nothing at all. They are a sad group of people. They can never stand on their own, they can never fight their own battles, they can never truly lead, they always make excuses for their inadequacies, and blame others for their shortcomings. Cowards are always the victim, always the damsel in distress, always the ones needing saving, always the ones complaining about what’s wrong and why they can’t do something. The words, ‘can’t’ and ‘impossible’ begin and end their sentences, and sometimes their days.

Cowards live for revenge, wanting to pay back those who hurt them, but they don’t have the courage to actually face this person head on. Cowards like to pick fights, but never stick around for combat, or they find a way for others to join the fight so their weaknesses are never revealed. They are the ones who spread rumors and cause drama, but in a sneaky, cleaver kind of way–that always make them look innocent. They pretend to be someone they aren’t because they don’t have the courage to be who they were created to be. They are weak-minded, weak physically, weak morally, and weak spiritually. They live in constant darkness; for only in light can one find true strength. It’s no wonder why cowards always prefer playing devil’s advocate, because for them it is too great a mountain to climb reaching up towards hope, possibility, and excellence, when they can use less effort kneeling down towards mediocrity.

I have encountered many cowards in my time, some as recently as today, and I am amazed at how much time they have on their hands to focus their energy on doing absolutely nothing of relevance in our world–except in their minds. It is pitiful that these insecure people spend so many hours of their day thinking about me, plotting and planning against me, and envious of what I have that they wish they had. We all have had our run-ins with cowards like this. See, cowards have plenty of time and energy to spread lies and hate, try to destroy other people’s reputations, families and businesses,  yet they don’t invest the time and energy to bring goodness and love into our world. They don’t have the time and energy to make a positive contribution to society, yet they can waste all of their resources trying to drain someone else and destroy their dreams. They don’t have the time and energy to build, create, innovate, inspire, embrace, uplift, and shine. Yet they have the time and energy to tear things apart, destroy, manipulate, deceive, and play childish games. They have time to send stupid messages and make phone calls to others hoping to make them feel as miserable as they do; post idiotic things on the Internet for even the tiniest bit of attention; make claims without supporting evidence; and just take up much-needed space in the world. They eventually leave this world as they entered it and lived it…clueless!

I have more respect for the person who tries and fails, than the one who never tries. I have more respect for the person with bumps, bruises, cuts and burns from falling down in life, because in their walk I see that they found a way to get back up. I have more respect for the person who comes to me directly, without masks, anonymity and code names, and just speaks their mind. I have more respect for the person who comes right out and confronts me with the goal to fight, than sucker-punch me in the dark. I have no respect for a person who isn’t brave enough to stand up and speak their mind. I say what I want to say, and clearly say my name when I’m speaking. I don’t post to my blogs or anywhere else as “anonymous” or with some made up alias, or using a picture not mine, because I have the courage to speak up, speak out, and back up what I say. My parents didn’t raise a punk, so I don’t cower over like one. I’m no bully and I won’t be bullied–never have and never will!

So I have one last thing to say to the cowards of the world…you can say what you want and do what you want, because just like your anonymity, you really don’t exist!

 

Copyright 2011. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

Some of our Leaders Seem to Have a Problem with “Brain-Mouth Disconnect Syndrome”

By Natasha L. Foreman

Some people need to just think before they speak, or simply refrain from answering a question when they have absolutely nothing of intelligence to say in response. Case in point…again… Oklahoma state Representative Sally Kern.

This woman appears to have what I call, “brain-mouth disconnect syndrome” whenever a microphone or reporter is nearby. Her mouth gets to yapping but her brain is totally disconnected from the process. She needs a handler who does a better job screening what comes out of her mouth. Do you remember when three years ago she made the comment that gay people are destroying the United States and were a greater threat than terrorists? If not, I have included the link to this footage at the end of this post. Do you remember Kern’s Divorce Bill that would have made it hard for people to get divorced in Oklahoma? Yes, I included that link below as well.

Well Ms. Kern has really stepped in her own mess last Wednesday during an affirmative action bill debate she back-handed both women and African-Americans by saying that women don’t work as hard and earn as much as men because they are more concerned about raising their families, and the high incarceration rate of Black people must have something to do with them not wanting to work hard in school.

“We have a high percentage of blacks in prison, and that’s tragic, but are they in prison just because they are black or because they don’t want to study as hard in school?…I’ve taught school, and I saw a lot of people of color who didn’t study hard because they said the government would take care of them.”

But let’s hear it directly from the horse’s mouth shall we? Oh and look at the body language and reaction from her constituents in the audience! Thank goodness for YouTube…

Yep, she said it and after coming under attack and her people returning from their extended lunch break (I’m joking about the latter) she tries to clean up her comments by saying that women are some of the hardest workers in the world, and that what she said didn’t come from her “true spirit“. Okay so where did it come from? Will people have to question which spirit (true or false) she’s speaking from every time she opens her mouth?

Maybe it’s time for Ms. Kern to take some sensitivity training, or re-training. Anthony Davis, the President of the NAACP Oklahoma chapter is cutting Kern no slack and is standing firm in his call for her resignation, and urging Kern’s constituents do the same- saying, “Let’s send a message out that in Oklahoma we will not tolerate racism at its ugliest level.”

See the Oklahoma news KOCO report that covered the story and interviewed both Anthony Davis and state Representative Mike Shelton:

I’m all for freedom of speech but when do we draw the line especially when words of hate, bigotry, and racism come from the mouths of our country’s leaders, influencers, and those who intend to lead?

If we are to be the example for the rest of the world to follow why then should we be surprised that there is so much hate spewed about our country and our people? We talk about athletes and entertainers being role models and that they should watch what they say and do, but what about highly visible business people and those in government positions who serve the people of this nation? What standards are set for them, or are they not considered role models?

What are your thoughts?

Oh and by the way here’s the link to her Divorce Bill recommendation: http://youtu.be/tXYKe4gdeRo

And her remarks about gays in 2008 in case you never heard it or need your memory refreshed:

Copyright 2011. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.
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>You May Be Her Hero and She May Be Your Next Stalker

>Last Friday I watched the movie Vanilla Sky again after having seen it many years ago. I was relaxing on the airplane and wanted to see a thriller that would have me on the edge of my seat. My friend was next to me working like crazy and I knew there would be conflict if I broke our pact to not watch a new release without each other. Friends…don’t you love them? Okay I’ve clearly digressed…back toVanilla Sky- it confused me the first time I watched it because I was overanalyzing it; so this time I simply opened my eyes and let the movie reel me in to the twisted world of Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz’s characters, David Aames and Julie Gianni respectively.

There is a common theme in these psychological thrillers that many men fail to recognize, realize, and put in their back pocket for quick reference in the future- there is no man exempt from being stalked- especially not men of influence and affluence; for you your odds are even greater. If you are having a casual fling or affair with a woman, but you are not a ‘couple’ in any aspect of the term- you need to be cautious as to how much time and money you spend and how far you go with this delicate situation and fragile personality. Let me just say that you are certifiably out of your mind if you’re involved with an employee, co-worker, agent, representative, volunteer, or intern at your company (or toying with the idea). You are just waiting for the drama to begin- but if you walk away now maybe there is hope for you yet. Even flirting with someone nowadays could put you in the shoes of Idris Elba in the movie Obsessed, remember how Beyonce had to beat the mess out of that crazy woman?

I have a funny feeling as I type this that it would be best to split this article into another two-parter series because it’s about to be deep and heavy. So that is what we’re going to do….

Are you ready to find out if you’re involved with or in the cross hairs of a stalker or potential stalker? Here’s some tell-tale signs:

– She frequently tells you that her world is incomplete or unbearable without you


– You are her “hero”


– She is “your biggest fan”


– She compares and refers to you as a fictional superhero


– She goes out of her way to appear to be different than other women you dated


– She makes her presence felt when you’re in public- in an attempt to send the signal that you’re ‘off limits’

– You aren’t a couple, yet she refers to “we” and “us” frequently

– She exhibits childish behaviors and tendencies where you become ‘daddy’

– She shows up at your events uninvited

– She seems to always know where you are

– She knows more about you in two months than most friends of 1-2 years

– She knew a great deal about you before you met, or soon after meeting

– She is clingy and needs to be around and under you constantly


– She is constantly trying to form a deeper connection with you


– She spends a great deal of her day calling, texting, emailing, and IM’ing you


– She correlates her happiness with you to her well-being


– You are the center of her life

– She shows up to your house frequently unannounced and uninvited

– She tries to (and encourages) having unprotected sex with you

– She begins to dress and carry herself like women you are attracted to

– She joins groups and associations you are a member of

– She somehow suddenly enjoys all or most of your hobbies
– She tells you she thinks you are soul mates, that you were meant to be together


– She tells you that you’re her only real friend


– She tells you that you are the only family she has


– She plays mental games


– She claims to be out of town on a trip, when she is actually still in town


– She jokes around about hurting other women you associate with

– She seems to seek your approval and acceptance

– Her self-esteem is connected to how you view her

– She expects you to contact her more frequently

– She jokes about releasing your pictures and letters to the public

– She says she’s not ready for kids, but always talks about becoming a mother

– She is an emotional roller coaster


– She frequently recalls intimate moments with you like a fairy-tale


– She talks with great detail about a future with you as though you are a couple


– She speaks casually about having a family with you and being your wife


– She questions your whereabouts and who you associate with


– She tries to find ways to meet and get close to your friends and family


– She inserts herself into your personal and/or professional life

This list can go on for pages. These are just several warning signs of women who potentially could become your stalker, or who are already stalking you. This is serious, and should not be taken lightly. Many men have lost their freedom, their income, their lives, their limbs, and their peace of mind behind women they assumed were just infatuated with them; women they assumed knew their insignificant “role” or “position”- trust me you both are on totally different pages!

You may laugh but this is definitely not a joking matter.

This is not just lust, puppy love, a crush, or infatuation- this is clear stalker behavior and if you continue down this path you are doomed to experience her wrath at the highest level. Matter of fact, take a double-take with any woman over the age of 25…hmmm even 22, who makes reference to having a ‘crush’ on you- that’s not grown woman talk. Now that I’m thinking about the movie The Crush, you should also shudder if a teen girl says, “I have a crush on you”. Run far far away!

A woman claiming to have a crush on you exhibits characteristics of an incomplete life tied to daddy issues- just waiting to burst the seams. A personality such as this has an imagined sense of a connection with you, and feels entitled to a life with you. In her mind you are soul mates, and are to be together forever. She is not merely your fling, sex buddy, lover, or friend- in her mind she is yours and you are hers, you just haven’t realized it yet! I’m going to let you ponder this over night. I’m not trying to scare you- just enlighten you; open your eyes and make you see that some people are one french fry short of a Happy Meal and you have to be cautious and THINK before you speak or act, and consider the consequences! Consider getting out of the sticky web you wove or are weaving and start the new year drama-free!

Natasha L. Foreman

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

Entire contents of this article with the exception of images and references to outside articles are Copyright Protected by Natasha L. Foreman. paradigmlife.blogspot.com

Photo credits:
Twitter stalker- zazzle.com
Obsessed: ontheflix.com
The Crush- thevine.com.au
Vanilla Sky- ew.com
I’m Not a Stalker- roadkilltshirts.com