Don’t Try to Impose Your Values, Beliefs, and Ideals Onto Others…and Please Leave Scrooge Alone!

This holiday season please consider giving pause to your need to fill in the blanks, to make things right, to force others to be spirited and joyful. For other people this isn’t the season to be jolly, and they don’t want to fake it to make you feel better. 

Just because you are feeling good, great, alive, and blessed–doesn’t mean they are. Yet you’re trying to force them to feel about their life and about themselves what you feel about yours. You’re imposing, encroaching, and pushing yourself onto them. 

Stop it!

They want to be miserable. Let them. God gives them free will, so why won’t you let them be as they want?


We feel uncomfortable with the Scrooges in our life. We feel uncomfortable when they want to twist and turn in chaos and wallow in darkness. We feel uncomfortable with their grumpiness and outbursts. We feel uncomfortable with how petty and childish they are acting. We can’t believe that they can’t see their blessings. We feel their negativity and we want instant change because it’s draining us. We try to counter it with an added dose of high energy, laughter and the like. And they come back with a whopper of dread. 

Rather than spend valuable energy and time trying to change their thinking and behavior, just change your location. Exit stage left and go about your business. 


We have a tendency to want to pour our views, values, beliefs, and ideals into others. We want people to see, think, behave, and feel the same way we do. 

Honestly, it’s selfish. 

Even if the intent is to bring harmony, it’s selfish of us to try to manipulate, persuade, or force someone to join us in that harmony. 

Some people need to wallow in self-pity to eventually see their foolishness. 

Some people need to give you silent treatments so that they too must walk around in silence–alone with their thoughts, alone with their Creator. Which is more torturous for them than actually speaking to you, but they don’t see that. 

Of course they don’t realize it when they are doing it, and sometimes they don’t even realize it after they have finished. But sometimes isolation is the best environment for purging old ways. Sometimes giving people exactly what they ask for is exactly what they need to see that what they wanted wasn’t what they actually thought it was cracked up to be. Sometimes you need to let people see the whole picture, rather than constantly trying to paint a different picture because it makes you feel uncomfortable. 

In alcohol and drug treatment programs they make a point of telling loved ones of addicts that until that addict hits rock bottom, he or she may not stop their reckless behavior. 

Why is that? 

It’s simple. An addict with enabling family and friends uses those people as a crutch to continue their recklessness. If the people around you do and say whatever it takes to keep you pleased, to cause no ripples in the water, then they are enabling the addiction and weakening the addict. 

Ironically, this too becomes an addiction. 

The enabling becomes an addiction that the addict craves. It is the one-two punch that they need each day. They have their drug and they have the support of those who either supply or contribute to the purchase of the drug. They will lie, cheat, steal, and some will even kill to feed their addiction. They will turn on you and try to get others to turn on you, and you on them—all with the ultimate goal of getting an addiction fed. When everyone participates in this grand scheme, it enables the addiction and feeds the addict. The addict wins and the rest of you lose. Big time!

When does the enabling stop? When family and friends say, “if you want to wallow in this cesspool, do it alone, but I’m not going to play a role in your foolishness” and then they exit stage left.

You have to stop trying to make people see, feel, hear, think, and believe what you do. If they are closed off, let them be. If their dysfunction makes you feel uncomfortable, then exit stage left. Because if you don’t, they will drag you into their misery. They will work feverishly to turn your light into darkness, your joy into pain. They will work tirelessly to make you feel as isolated and miserable as they do. They will impose upon you so that you can see how they truly feel about themselves. 

If they don’t believe in God, but you do, then just silently pray for them and walk away. If they do believe in God, but you don’t, then just silently walk away and cross your fingers they aren’t cursing you. Now smile. You giggled didn’t you? Good. You do have a sense of humor. You will need it to get through some of the quirkiest moments in life. I eventually find humor in even the darkest moments of my life. A chuckle turns into a laugh, and before I know it I’m bent over at the waist laughing hysterically. That’s because I refuse to be consumed by darkness. I refuse to wallow in misery and hang around miserable people. They can come to the light but I’m not entering their dungeon. 

So my fellow humans, I ask that starting today you simply focus on smiling and laughing, singing and dancing, rejoicing and praising—and doing all of this without trying to force Mr./Ms. Scrooge to join you. 

Let the “ghosts” of the past, present, and future do what they do best. Either Scrooge will come around or they won’t. But it’s not up to you to control their destiny, to alter their course, or to make them do anything. You’re here to live your life, not theirs. Don’t feed their addiction and don’t create your own. Be at peace with your peace, and don’t let anyone or anything steal your joy!

With love,

~Natasha 

Spiritual Quote of the Day 5.1.13

“Church is WITHIN, not a physical manmade structure but the spiritual one-ness that you have with God. That doesn’t mean (or promote) avoiding the physical structure we call church, because that is where we go to worship, praise, connect, and have fellowship with other believers. It means that you can have church several times a day every day, and anywhere you choose if you so choose”.

– Natasha L. Foreman

This quote was motivated by this video shared by Daily Lift: http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=RkAgL8mKq9Y&feature=youtu.be&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DRkAgL8mKq9Y%26feature%3Dyoutu.be

Copyright 2013. All Rights Reserved Unless Otherwise Noted. Natasha L. Foreman. Paradigm Life. http://theparadigmlife.com

Girls are Still Being Told They are Too Pretty to be Smart

So I wasn’t surprised to read that more retailers have suffered from major foot-in-mouth or foot-in-rear syndrome as they have pressed and marketed t-shirts and other novelty items to young girls that basically tell them that it is more advantageous to focus on their looks than their intelligence. These messages also tell them that they aren’t as smart or smarter than boys, and guess what? It sends the same messages to boys who grow up to be men who think this way. Then women like myself have to deal with this ignorance throughout college and our careers. I’m in my mid-30s and I still have to prove that I’m intelligent and capable of playing with ‘the big boys’, while a man with a fraction of my intellect just needs to show up.

So what are retailers up to now? Well a few months ago it was the “I’m too pretty to do math” t-shirt by David & Goliath and let’s not forget the “Trophy Wife” t-shirt; I’m sure every parent sits back and hopes that their daughter grows up to be a trophy wife (yes, I’m being facetious). The more we struggle to break down these stereotypical images of females, the more guck and muck that flies up from companies that know better, but see the benefit of earning the buck more than doing the right thing.

So why would J.C. Penney get caught up in the cross-hairs of this nonsense with their “I’m too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me” t-shirt? I’m not sure. Obviously they missed the memo that said gender stereotyping is a big no-no. They were smart enough to pull the shirt from stores once the backlash from consumers gave them whiplash. Lesson learned? I hope so.

Here’s the crazy thing, retailers could actually make MORE money by producing and marketing positive images and messages of girls and women than they do with this other nonsense. Think of how many t-shirts you would buy for every young girl (or even boy) you know if it read, “I work hard in school so I can have the career of my dreams“, or “Need a tutor? I get A’s in Math“, or “You can have sexy, I’ll be your boss soon“. There are so many ways to show young girls and boys that being intelligent is smart and is a highly attractive quality not only for a future spouse -which they shouldn’t be concerned with until their in their 20s, (but realistically we know they obsess over as young as age 13) but also for future employment opportunities.

Of course I’ve included the link (see below) to the article that shares the J.C. Penney story and more. I’m thrilled to read in the article that entrepreneurs are jumping into the business to produce positive images and messages for our children to see and model, such as the “Pretty’s got nothing to do with it…Redefine girly” t-shirt.

If we are truly concerned with the future of our world and the children who will be tomorrow’s leaders, then we must take responsibility for the images they see and the messages they hear…we are all role models!

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/epic-t-shirt-fail-quot-im-too-pretty-to-do-my-homework-so-my-brother-has-to-do-it-for-me-quot-2537106/

 

 

Copyright 2011. Natasha L. Foreman. Paradigm Life.

>The Poorest Person

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The poorest person in the world is not the one without a nickel, it’s the one without a dream!

To dream is to want, to desire, to acknowledge the need, to hope for something…better. When you stop dreaming you give up on yourself, on life, on something bigger than you. When you stop dreaming you’re saying that you have no faith in greatness playing a role in your life, you’re saying that nothing better can come your way; you’re saying that God is done doing all He’s willing to do for you, and that He’s moved on.

Every day you open your eyes is another day that God has planned for you to seize the moment, to chase your dreams and make them a reality, to grab ahold of the gifts He has in store for you. Your needs and wants did not just become ‘hot off the press’ news to Him, He’s been preparing you for each day a dream came true. He has placed people in your life to help you see the clear path. It is up to you to believe that path is there waiting for you, or you can walk aimlessly around, stumbling and tripping over debris on another path not meant for you.

Don’t stop dreaming…no matter your age or circumstance! Let the child in you come out and believe the unbelievable dream!

Copyright 2010. Natasha L. Foreman. All Rights Reserved.

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